Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXArcher Season 8 Quotes
She's the exact opposite of okay! She's dead, because she got shot seven times, and nobody could survive that, not even in a parallel universe.
Lana [dying]: Archer, I'm sorry.
Archer: Why, why are you sorry?
Lana: I got blood on you.
Archer: Well, I blew a load on your dress, so...
Archer: Somebody call an ambulance!
Charlotte: Ugh!! I already threw a chair!
Holy shit. Glad I don't have a flashback for that!
Krieger: You're better than this! You don't have to be a killer. You can use your powers for the good of all mankind!
Dutch/Barry: Yeah, I could, but I was a murderer before you turned me into a freak so I don't know why you thought this was gonna have a happy ending.
Lana: Hurry up!
Poovey: Jesus! You people would stand in a bread line and ask for toast.
Charlotte: Wait, there's toast?
Mother: WHY would there be toast!?!
Charlotte: Why WOULDN'T there be?
He [Trexler] didn't tell me to do it. Hell, I did it just to see his lights go out.
Dutch
Poovey: Why're you throwing ME under the bus?
Trexler: I'm going to BUY a bus, then literally throw you under it, and then drive it back and forth on your face.
Archer: Anybody got a joke about socks?
Everyone: [silence, gagged with socks]
Archer: Oh, okay, I got one. Uh, "Sock, sock?"
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: Then you say, "Who's there."
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: [chuckles] Okay then I guess just pout!
Archer: Okay. A. ,The Tin Man is not a robot.
Trexler: The Tin Man is -
Archer: A magical being, like a leprechaun, Pinocchio, an enchanted Nutcracker.
Trexler: Whatever! He doesn't have a heart!
Trexler: Get me out of here alive, and the ransom money and we'll call it even, okay?
Archer: Uh, we're way more than even.
Trexler: How do you figure?
Archer: Because your final thought on this Earth wasn't about how my gun tasted!
Trexler: Fair enough.
Archer: Right?
Archer: Typical! Typical typical typical typical!
Lana: What could possibly have been typical about that?!
Archer: ME! I always do shit like this.
Poovey: Like what?
Archer: All I wanted to do was find out who killed my partner Woodhouse, and the next thing I know I've disappeared up my own asshole, and I'm manumitting sex slaves and grossly abusing corpses and trying to source a finger for some weird psychosexual kidnapping, and then, to top off all the bullshit, getting chased by GODDAMN ROBOTS!! I mean, [beep] halberts, Jesus Christ!!
