Wayne Jarvis: I shall duck behind the couch.
Michael: What a pro.

Maeby: I don't think you're a monster.
Lucille: And I think you're a lovely girl. You know what? I think you and I ought to spend more time together.
Maeby: Yeah. And that'll drive them crazy.
Lucille: Exactly.

Maeby: You ever get the feeling like you don't even matter?
Lucille: Only when I'm around my children.

Michael: Dad, you're not going to outrun me in that dress!
George, Sr.: Come on. Michael, let go!
Michael: Dad!
George, Sr.: For God's sake, I'm not even wearing a jock.

Wayne Jarvis: I shall duck behind that little garbage car.
Michael: Guy's a pro.

Monti: You know, I saw you do this when I was a kid. I was so impressed, you know. You were so still and god-like. You know, it was at that moment that I knew I would be a dancer.
George, Sr.: Glad I could make a difference.

Lucille 2: You ready to show me off before God and the whole world?
Buster: Well, it's not my Dad's reaction I'm worried about.

Michael: Excuse me, Wayne, my sister and I were outside having a business discussion, and we were wondering if there's some sort of legal way that we can humiliate our mother? Something shaming, something public.
Wayne Jarvis: I've used one adjective to describe myself. What is it?
Michael: Professional.

Lindsay: My thing with Tobias was a secret, like you stealing your brother's girlfriend, you little weasel. I mean, I open up to you, you run off and tell Mommy.
Michael: Excuse me. Excuse me! Outside, please. Thank you. Pardon us. Like it wasn't just a bunch of lies to get me to pay that debt, huh? Isn't that why you got me drunk in the first place?

Lucille: What are you doing here?
Gob: I had to get away from Marta. Ugh. If I have to smell another meal of fish, rice and mango, I'm going to kill somebody.

Michael: Oh, um ... there's a big bowl of candy in my office. Why don't you go eat it?
Wayne Jarvis: Wayne Jarvis, attorney at law. I have a responsibility to tell you that there is no candy in this office.

Wayne Jarvis: If you retain my services, I will get your father out of jail, and we will be counter suing before the end of the year. We're going to get this company's name back to where it started.
Michael: Or hopefully higher.
Wayne Jarvis: I didn't say that. Don't hold me to that.

Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 7 Quotes

George, Sr.: Thank you. Thank you for coming down on Christmas Eve.
Barry: Oh, it's like any other day, except that I bill double.

Lindsay: How'd it go?
Michael: Well, the bad news is you're in debt again, and we never busted Mom, and we're stuck with Barry.
Lindsay: Mm.
Michael: The good news is we've been asked never to participate in the pageant again.