Michael: Oh, um ... there's a big bowl of candy in my office. Why don't you go eat it?
Wayne Jarvis: Wayne Jarvis, attorney at law. I have a responsibility to tell you that there is no candy in this office.

Wayne Jarvis: I shall duck behind the couch.
Michael: What a pro.

Wayne Jarvis: If you retain my services, I will get your father out of jail, and we will be counter suing before the end of the year. We're going to get this company's name back to where it started.
Michael: Or hopefully higher.
Wayne Jarvis: I didn't say that. Don't hold me to that.

Wayne Jarvis: Well, I'm a professional. I am serious, and I'm a professional.
Michael: That's fantastic. So, how long have you been ...?
Wayne Jarvis: I also don't like small talk.
Michael: No?
Wayne Jarvis: I find that unprofessional.
Michael: Mm-hmm.
Wayne Jarvis: Why should I be billing you for small talk when I'm enjoying it as much as you are?
Michael: Then, this must be a freebie 'cause I'm having a ball.
Wayne Jarvis: (chuckles) When you're ready to get serious, give me a call.

Tobias: Oh, give me the suit. Give me the suit.
George Michael: I'm actually wearing it right now, but I can't tell you why.
Tobias: You're wearing it right now?
George Michael: I have to wear it all the time. You ... you'd never understand.
Tobias: Oh, please, I'll never un ...? I'll never understand? That you can never be nude? I understand more than you'll ... never know.
George Michael: Yikes.

Maeby: You ever get the feeling like no one even sees you?
George Michael: I've got a really good body, so ... No.

George Michael: (counting pushups) 100.
Maeby: 100? I had you at ten.
George Michael: I did some earlier in the day. It's a running total.

Michael: I love Marta.
Lindsay: Mom's housekeeper?
Michael: Gob's girlfriend.

Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?


Lindsay: He's a never-nude.
Michael: Is that exactly what it sounds like?

Lindsay: She's always trying to get me to admit that my marriage isn't working.
Michael: So, how's it going with you and Tobias?
Lindsay: It's not working.

You gotta remember. Mom typically has nothing in her system except a bottle of vodka and an estrogen pill.


Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 7 Quotes

George, Sr.: Thank you. Thank you for coming down on Christmas Eve.
Barry: Oh, it's like any other day, except that I bill double.

Lindsay: How'd it go?
Michael: Well, the bad news is you're in debt again, and we never busted Mom, and we're stuck with Barry.
Lindsay: Mm.
Michael: The good news is we've been asked never to participate in the pageant again.