Surgeon: Looks like the shiv would have done some real damage if it hadn't been for this. It was in your lower intestine.
(Surgeon shows Gob the key)
Gob: So close.

Gob: You've got nothing to worry about. We're going to be together for a long time.
Marta: We're a family now. I am so happy. I'm going to call the kids.
Gob: (to himself after Marta leaves) I've made a huge mistake.

Buster: Has your hair always been that pointy, Miss Austero?
Lucille 2: It's Lucille.
Buster: Right, right. That's my mom's name.

Gob: I'm a complete failure.
George, Sr.: Where'd you get that kind of talk?
Gob: From you. You always say that about me.
George, Sr.: Well, maybe you're not entirely to blame. I haven't always been the best kind of father either.
Gob: Dad, you've done a pretty good job of being a father to everybody in here. What have they got that I don't? I mean, you've never even ... thrown a ball around with me.
George, Sr.: Great. Now, you're an athlete.

Lucille: Buster's out of control!
Michael: What, another panic attack?
Buster: Me? No. She's just wigged out because I have a girlfriend.
Lucille: A waiter hands him a note, suddenly he's Steve McQueen.

George Michael: You know, I can see why your mom likes it. It is a really nice tree ...
Maeby: We've got to get it torn down.
George Michael: ... That must die. Stupid tree.

Gob: Is there a private bathroom nearby?
George, Sr.: You're looking at it. (taps the commode between the bunks)
Gob: No, no, no. I can't use that. I need privacy. Yeah, I've always been that way. I can't go without privacy. I can't pass this key without privacy.
George, Sr.: Well, I could ask the guys to leave, but, uh ... you know, they've been locking the doors lately. I don't know.

Marta. Hey ... I'm sorry. You really deserved to win in there ... Did you win? I don't speak Spanish.


Lucille 2: Lucille? Lucille! Aren't you something? Showing up here without your husband. Shame be damned. Caution to the wind.
Lucille: That's so sweet, darling. I'm here to support you. You're the one who's all alone and likely to stay that way. My husband's just a phone call away.
Lucille 2: That's one call per day, isn't it? Gee, I should think he'd want to save that for his lawyer.

Lindsay: Look, I'm an activist, too, and I appreciate what you're doing for the environment. But we're not the only ones who destroy trees. What about beavers? You call yourself an environmentalist. Why don't you go out and club some beavers?
Johnny Bark: You don't really "get" nature, do you?

Marta: I just couldn't find my keys.
Michael: Well, my brother may have eaten them.

Michael: Look, I'm trying to get development started. I've got six guys on bulldozers waiting to get underway.
Lindsay: Well, what about the trees?
Michael: Oh, we're just gonna cover them with blankets ... I'm ripping 'em out.

Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 4 Quotes

Lucille: I'll be in the hospital bar.
Michael: Uh, you know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother.
Lucille: Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

Surgeon: Looks like the shiv would have done some real damage if it hadn't been for this. It was in your lower intestine.
(Surgeon shows Gob the key)
Gob: So close.