Michael: What about the outfit yesterday?
Lindsay: Old thing gave it to me.

Michael: Lindsay, new outfit?
Lindsay: This? No, I've had this for years. I think it's a hand-me-down from Mom.
Michael: You got a price tag. Right there.
Lindsay: Is there? I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing.
Michael: Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me.

Hey, Mom, why can't Buster pretend to be your escort? That's the way he's got it in all his cartoons.

Michael

Why have we been spending so much money on whistles?

Lucille

Gob's Wife: I'm in love with your brother-in-law.
Gob: You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army?
Gob's Wife: No, your sister's husband.
Gob: Michael? Michael!
Gob's Wife: No, that's your sister's brother.
Gob: No, I'm my sister's brother. You're in love with me - me.
Gob's Wife: I'm in love with Tobias.
Gob: My brother-in-law?
Gob's Wife: I know it can never be, so I'm leaving. I'm enlisting in the army.
Gob: To be with your brother ...
Gob's Wife: No!

Michael: Is this about the money?
Gob: No.
Michael: What do you want?
Gob: I mean, it's not about money in the sense that I'm coming here saying, "Here, Michael. Take some money." It's just more of a "may I have some" kind of visit.

Maeby: It all adds up. He stole somebody's hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candy apple on his way to Mexico!
George Michael: Of course! You're mocking me.
Maeby: Of course.

Lucille: Buster's jaw clicks when he eats. I think it's what's driving his friends away. I sent him to Canada for an operation, so I'll need some of that new money that just came in.
Michael: You know, Mom, if you want an operation that's really going to help him, you ought to have them finally cut that cord.

Michael: Well, this money is for land, okay? We're not going to burn through it like Dad did when he was in charge with his bad investments and his corrupt dealings ... Mother's neck ...
Lindsay: No, that was a good investment.
Michael: It is easier to look at now, isn't it?

All your water's doing is whetting my appetite for protest. No hair for oil! No hair for oil!

Lindsay

Michael: Ok, there's still three whistles left out there. Whose got the whistles?
Board Member #1: (blows whistle) He kept one.
Michael: There's a good example of whistle blowing, ok, but you've kept yours, so it's hurting your case.
Board Member #1: I was in the bathroom when you asked for it back.
Board Member #2: (blows whistle) No, he wasn't.

George Sr.: Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
Michael: Just one? No, no idea. It sounds wonderful, though.

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Um, I forget their name, but I know they're hungry. I think some are thirsty.

Lindsay

(talking about the money their fund-raiser brought in) Well, most of that money was from the Bluth Company. I mean, how ...
(Michael looks surprised) ... are you?

Tobias