Claudia Worth: Are you a man or a boy?
Jonathan: Well... what's the difference?
Claudia Worth: With a man, you feel like you're being taken, and you like it. And with a boy, you feel like they're stealing something from you, and you don't like it.

Jim Jarmusch: So I really loved your novel. Dark, funny, perverted, beautiful. You must really suffer from the terrifying clarity of your vision.
Jonathan: Thank you. I do suffer. Thank you.

It really disturbs me that Pricilla loved me once and now loves him (referring to her current husband) - I only wonder what that means...

George

(to Jonathan) Lives don't change. We simply become more comfortable with our core misery, which is a form of happiness.

Dr. Worth

Dr. Worth: Sounds to me you're leading a double life.
Jonathan: I think that I am. I'm like a Russian doll. There's all these versions of me in me.
Dr. Worth: There's only one you. And he's running away from his life.

Leah: I'm proud of you for going to therapy. (kisses Ray who doesn't kiss back)
Ray: I'm sorry, I can't tonight. That guy eviscerated me. My penis is totally recessed.
Leah: What?!
Ray: When I was a little kid, I used to like to push my penis in to make it look like it disappeared. Today, it happened all by itself.

I'm very oral nowadays. I feel like I'm... half-man, half-infant.

George

Ray: Okay. I'll trade you therapy for sex. It's been almost three weeks.
Leah: I think it's sweet you know how long it's been. (goes to Ray and hugs him)

Leah: I don't feel good about this. I don't want you to be a sperm donor.
Ray: But it's flattering. They're fans of my work. I've never had lesbian fans before.
Leah: They should go to a sperm bank. You can't just give your sperm to two girls you met in a cafe.
Ray: I met you in a cafe.

Jonathan: Why was [Priscilla] your best wife?
George: Everything with her is as intimate as kissing. I never really got over it. Most orgasmic woman I've ever been with.

I love martinis. They heal all wounds.

George

Bored to Death Season 1 Episode 3 Quotes

Jonathan: Why was [Priscilla] your best wife?
George: Everything with her is as intimate as kissing. I never really got over it. Most orgasmic woman I've ever been with.

I love martinis. They heal all wounds.

George