Brockmire
Wednesdays 10:00 PMBrockmire Season 3 Episode 1: "Clubhouse Cancer" Quotes
Shirley: You want credit for not harassing a man with cancer.
Brockmire: Yeah!
You make a big show about what a changed man you are, but going from a drunk asshole to a sober asshole isn't the dramatic makeover you think it is.
Gabby
Overalls allow me to fully experience the freedom of life without undergarments!
Gus
Look, I sympathize with you. I do. All the things you consider to be good clean fun are now considered to be mean and sexist. But you know, that's just 'cause they are.
Brockmire
Brockmire: I wanna assure you. Sobriety has changed me, OK? Really, I am no longer that reckless, "say anything" Jim.
Gabby: You just talked the last two minutes going into aggressive detail about our coworker's dick.
Brockmire: Oh shit. I did do that, didn't I? Goddammit, I am just, I am not built for the 20th Century workplace.
Brockmire: No, the nickname Matt the Bat comes from his locker room presence. He's got the biggest dick in baseball history.
Gabby: Whoa. Seriously?
Brockmire: Oh yeah. Matt loves all that alpha male bullshit. He likes to bump into ya accidentally on purpose to make an impression. Literally. Left a dent. There's a density to it, Gabby. It's like a windsock that's been packed with wet sand.
Bat: I'm gonna skip on lunch.
Gabby: Yeah, you can probably use the downtime. You know, my aunt recently had breast cancer.
Bat: I look like I have breasts?
What kind of joyless golem serves soup in a Greenroom? Are they requesting that we eat it out of a cup in some kind of failed attempt at shabby chic?
Brockmire
Even for Florida, the whole thing was very Florida.
Brockmire
HO! Christmas is coming. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas.
Brockmire
Brockmire feelin' the rhythm now. [Masturbation. My best defense against sleepless nights.]
Brockmire
Boy, have I had trouble sleepin' lately. My sober mind just races through all the clarity of the silence.
Brockmire
