Xander: Whatcha got in the closet, Ted?
[He opens the door]
Xander: Let's go.
Cordelia: But we need evidence
Xander: We got it.
Willow: What's in there?
Xander: His first four wives.

Buffy: You died.
Ted: That's right, little lady. You killed me. Do we have something to say about that? Are we sorry?!
Buffy: What are you?
Ted: I'm a salesman. That's what you should have remembered. No matter how hard you put him down...
[He throws Buffy down]
Ted: A good salesman always bounces back.

Xander: What do we know?
Willow: Well, apparently the secret ingredient is not love.
Xander: What is it?
Willow: I'm not positive, but I think it's dematorin. It's like a tranquilliser; keeps you all mellow and compliant. It also shares a few components with ecstasy.
Xander: This is evidence. This is real evidence that Ted was some kind of a crook! Buffy's cleared. Willow, you are the best human ever! I adore you.
[Willow smiles]
Xander: That's the cookies talking, but you rock!

Buffy: Will, I'm not wrong here. Ted has a problem with me. He acts like I'm in the way or something. And Mom's been totally different since he's around.
Willow: Different...like happy?
Buffy: Like Stepford.

Ted: So Buffy, I bet the boys are lined up around the block trying to get a date with you?
Buffy: Not really.
Willow: Oh, they are. But she's only interested in...
[Buffy elbows her]
Willow: Uh, her studies! Book cracker Buffy. It's kind of her nickname.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 2 Episode 11 Quotes

Buffy: Will, I'm not wrong here. Ted has a problem with me. He acts like I'm in the way or something. And Mom's been totally different since he's around.
Willow: Different...like happy?
Buffy: Like Stepford.

Ted: So Buffy, I bet the boys are lined up around the block trying to get a date with you?
Buffy: Not really.
Willow: Oh, they are. But she's only interested in...
[Buffy elbows her]
Willow: Uh, her studies! Book cracker Buffy. It's kind of her nickname.