Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Cordelia: What about you?
Xander: I’m going to stay here.
Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?
Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back.
Cordelia: Yeah well, I've seen you watch her back.
Xander: What is that supposed to mean?
Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for 'looking at her butt.' You know, sort of a pun.
Willow: I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
[Xander laughs uncomfortably and Cordelia stares him daggers]
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I...never have.
Angelus: If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you even believe for a micro-second that you could stop me?
Xander: Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either, or those cops or the orderlies, but I'm kind of curious to find out. You game?
Angelus: Buffy's white knight. You still love her.
[Angelus whispers]
Angelus: It must just eat you up that I got there first.
Xander: You're gonna die and I'm gonna there.
[Angelus gives Xander the flowers for Buffy]
Angelus: Tell her I stopped by.
Buffy: Maybe it wasn’t Death? Maybe it was something else?
Cordelia: So, this isn’t about you being afraid of hospitals ‘cause your friend died and you wanna conjure up a monster that you can fight, so you can save everybody and not feel so helpless?
Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
Cordelia: Eww, what does this do?
Giles: What?
Cordelia: What does this do?
Giles: Uh, it extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells.
Cordelia: Wow. What does this one do?
Giles: Um, it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim's head with its incisors.
Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do?
Giles: It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything.
If Giles wants to go after the, uh, fiend that murdered his girlfriend. I say, "Faster, pussycat, kill kill."
Xander
Spike: Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds.
Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer.
Angelus: Don't worry, roller boy. I've got everything under control.
[A Molotov cocktail hits the table and fire erupts]
Willow: I'm gonna have a hard time explaining this to my dad.
Buffy: You really think it'll bother him?
Willow: Ira Rosenberg's only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall? I have to go over to Xander's house just to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas every year.
Buffy: I see your point.
Willow: Although it is worthwhile to see him do the Snoopy dance.
Buffy: It's so weird. Every time something like this happens, my first instinct is still to run to Angel. I can't believe it's the same person. He's completely different from the guy that I knew.
Willow: Well, sort of, except...
Buffy: Except what?
Willow: You're still the only thing he thinks about.
Giles: In my years as...Watcher...I've buried too many people. But Jenny was the first I've loved.
Buffy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't kill him for you...for her...when I had the chance. I wasn't ready. But I think I finally am.
Cordelia: Harmony, shut up! Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep.
Harmony: I'm not a sheep.
Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are because I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.
[She walks away with Xander]
Drusilla: Your face is a poem. I can read it.
Xander: Really? It doesn't say "spare me" by any chance?
Drusilla: Shhh...how do you feel about eternal life?
Xander: We couldn't just start with a coffee? A movie, maybe?
[She goes in for a bite]
Mob: Get him!
