You're not worth the monologue.

Jeff

Guys like you should be more scared, you trust-funded, body-spray, Eli Roth DVD-owner.

Jeff

Britta: Why don't you sell him a pill that'll make him give up on his dreams?
Annie: Relaxarex doesn't make you give up on your dreams! That's a side effect!

Britta: I'm on sabbatical.
Troy: You're Jewish??

They're a rising star in pharmaceuticals. They invented fibromyalgia AND the cure for fibromyalgia

Annie

Maybe we should brainstorm fundraising ideas that AREN'T bake sales OR zoos where the humans are in cages and the animals come to visit.

Annie

After you left, it was closed for sentimental reasons. And also asbestos reasons.

Dean

Dean Pelton here, wishing you another magic year at Greendale--ranked America's #2 community college by GreendaleCommunityCollege.com.

Dean

Repo man: Maybe you should have spent less money on special effects.
Jeff: Thanks a lot, Francis Ford Repo Man.

Evil Troy: I've been counting our bullets. One of us it out.
Troy: Is it you?
Evil Troy: Yes.
Troy: Why would you tell me that?

I passed all the classes, so now I just do yoga while the teachers write down my wisdoms.

Troy

Abed: "The Cape" was cancelled.
Evil Abed: Not here--they've re-tooled it for cable and it's awesome. Wanna see it?
Abed: Desperately.

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.