Greg: And to quote, "She's not only merely dead. She's really most sincerely dead."
Nick: I beg to differ, Dorothy.
Greg: If you knew your Wizard of Oz, you'd know that it was the Munchkin coroner that pronounced her dead. Not the girl with the dog.

You and I both took an oath to protect the innocent, now here's the time.

Brass

Nick: You sure this didn't come from your house there, itchy?
Hodges: No, my mother is very clean.

I hope your kids are alright there, Danny. You know, all that time wasted on me. Only have yourself to blame. Only yourself.

Rylan Gauss

I've seen it before. Cop fast turns into hostage late. I'll deal with Gauss myself.

Agent Danielle Moore

David: Looks like a twenty-two.
Doc Robbins: Used to be the preferred caliber for mobsters and assassins.
David: Nowadays they go for a Glock Four-O.
Doc Robbins: Thank you... Ten Cent. Why don't you move him to autopsy, and try not to bust any rhymes on your way out.

Brass: So, Sylvester and Tweety whacked their owners?
Greg: Think of it as a series of unfortunate events.
Brass: You mean, don't think of it as a cartoon?

She was the victim of fowl play.

Doc Robbins

Brass: I'll need to verify that. How do I get a hold of Betsy?
Suspect: You got a credit card? It'll only cost you 4.99 a minute.

In my fantasies, a three-way never ends in death.

Doc Robbins

Maddie: What is it?
Nick: Just a little piece of brain.
Maddie's Friend: You always said you wanted a guy with brains. Sorry, I tell joke when I'm nervous

No one's seen nothin'. They're all suffering from retinitis pigmentosa.

Detective Reed

CSI Season 11 Quotes

Haskell: I want Ray to live a long time so he thinks of me every time he unzips his pants
Brass: Yeah, he will remember what a putz you are.

Brass: You know what this button does.
Ray: Morphine clouds my thinking.