An odd thing happens when we die, our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory, but our sight? Ah, our sight expands and we can suddenly see the world we left behind so clearly. Of course most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living, if they would only take the time to look

Mary Alice

Gabrielle: I can't believe she wormed her way in. How did you let her do that?
Susan: I don't know, I was gonna take her out at the knees, but it all happened so fast.
Gabrielle: Well, you know what you need to do. You need to get there early, spend a little time with Mike before little barracuda gets there.
Susan: That's a good idea. Edie will get there at 5:45, which means her breasts will arrive at 5:30, so I should shoot for five

Julie: Dear Diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
Susan: Shut up.
Julie: If you wanna date him, you're gonna have to ask him out.
Susan: I keep hoping he'll ask me out.
Julie: How's that going?
Susan: Shouldn't you be making brownies for your nerdy friends?

Gabrielle: So now you're taking Julie on your dinner date with Mike?
Susan: Yeah, well, if Edie's gonna be there, I'm gonna need emotional support

Susan: Julie? Mike Delfino just invited us to dinner Friday night.
Julie: He did? Cool.
Susan: But only I'm going. Because you're gonna come down with something semi-serious that requires bed-rest and fluids

Bree: Do you remember when you proposed?
Rex: For God's sake.
Bree: We sat on Skyline Drive and drank a bottle of apple wine and when we finished it, you turned to me and you said, "If you marry me, Bree Mason, I promise to love you for the rest of my life." And even though I was engaged to Ty Grant, and even though my father didn't like you, I said yes

When a man buys a woman expensive jewelry, there are many things he may want in return. For future reference, conversation ain't one of them


Mike: Should I have told her we were having steak? She's not like, a vegetarian or something, is she?
Susan: Oh, no, no. Edie's definitely a carnivore

Woman: Listen, it seems to me like you have some anger management issues.
Lynette: I have four kids under the age of six. I absolutely have anger management issues

Oh God, look at all these things, all these beautiful things that my ex-husbands worked so hard for, burnt to a crisp

Edie [about her housing burning down]

Mrs. Huber: Susan, do you have anything to contribute to the clothing drive for Edie? The poor thing is running around in next to nothing!
Susan: Oh, Mrs. Huber, I thought that was Edie's idea behind it all.
Mrs. Huber: Oh, Susan! Edie may be trash but that doesn't mean she isn't a human being!

Susan was furious with Edie for using a dog to ingratiate herself with its owner. She was also furious with Mike for not seeing through this blatant maneuver. But most of all, she was furious with herself for not having thought of it first

Mary Alice

Desperate Housewives Season 1 Episode 2 Quotes

I don't care what her reasons were. Maybe she was depressed. Maybe she was bored. It doesn't matter. She abandoned her husband and her son, and I'll never forgive her

Paul [about Mary Alice]

Mike: Actually, he was my wife's dog and one of the last things she said to me in the hospital before she died was to be sure I looked after him and I promised her I would.
Mary Alice [narrating]: And just like that Susan could suddenly see something she had never seen before.
Mike: He meant so much to her.
Mary Alice: Mike Delfino was still in love with his late wife.
Mike: And if something had happened I would have felt like I failed her. I know that sounds stupid but-
Mary Alice: And she knew right then that neither she nor Edie would be laying claim to his heart anytime soon.
Susan: No it doesn't. Not at all.
Mary Alice: So she decided, for now, she could settle for just being his friend