Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 7: "Bang" Quotes
Susan: I can't leave Julie right now.
Ian: We'll take her with us.
Susan: Oh, that's responsible parenting. "Stealing whiskey? That's it young lady. I'm taking you to Paris"!
Ida: Bree, have you heard?
Bree: Awful, just awful. Deviled egg?
Ida: (after Bree lets them in and walks away.) I told you she'd have food.
(door bell rings at Gabrielle's house)
Gabrielle: Yeah?
Mrs. McCluskey: Quick, turn on the TV.
Gabrielle: (all dirty and holding out a bat) It's kinda on the fritz.
Mrs. McCluskey: Well, turn on your radio!
Gabrielle: If only, you'd come ten minutes earlier.
Mrs. McCluskey: Some woman is shooting at field's market. She's got hostages!
Gabrielle: Oh, my God!
Mrs. McCluskey: Yeah, we're all watching it over at Bree's house and.... (peaks inside Gabrielle's house and see everything is destroyed)
Mrs. McCluskey: Uh, is everything okay here?
Gabrielle: Yeah, everything is fine. We're just having a little squabble.
(Carlos is coming with a chainsaw.)
Gabrielle: Would you just give us a minute? Carlos, where do you think you're going with that?
(Lynette and Nora are held hostage at the supermarket but managed to hide from Carolyn and were trying to talk to Tom on Lynette's cellphone when Parker answers the phone.)
Parker: Hello?
Lynette: Hello! Sweetie, it's mommy, I need to talk to daddy.
Parker: Porter is hogging all the legos.
Lynette: Tell him I said to share, now put daddy on!
Parker: I did tell them! He says he needs them all for his robots!
Lynette: Put daddy on and I will buy you a real robot!
Parker: (pops his eyes up in excitement) You will?
Lynette: A big one with laser beam eyes, now go get daddy!
(Parker drops the phone on the couch and walks away)
Parker: (to his brothers) I'm getting a real robot!
(Carolyn comes from behind with a gun and takes the phone before she can talk to Tom)
Come on, just give me one clean shot at him! I'm willing to do the time!
Gabrielle
(Carlos and Gabrielle are in front of a judge getting divorced when Carlos' lawyer brings up the fact that Gabrielle only seduced him to get in on the money and Carlos played the tape.)
Gabrielle: (Upset) You recorded our love making?!
Carlos: It's all right here, Your Honor. When she climaxes, she actually starts screaming out dollar amounts.
Lynette: Oh, oh.. You have stepped on to my property, and you've talked to Tom. That's two rules you broke, and I'm not sure that top doesn't make it three.
Nora: Would you tell your lunatic wife I am not talking to her.
Lynette: I'm only lunatic if you think I'm letting you anywhere near my husband.
(Orson is explaining to Bree that it was an accident what it said about Alma on the police report)
Bree: By the way, to remove a red wine stain, you sprinkle salt to absorb it.
Orson: That's just what I was saying to Alma when she clocked me!
Bree: Orson, if you have a moment, there is something I would like your thoughts on.
Orson: Certainly. What is it? The menu for our Holiday open house?
Bree: No, it's a police report from the night you beat your first wife. I'm still working on the menu.
Austin: Mouthwash, toothpaste. Did someone get an anonymous e-mail?
Julie: Said the boy with the economy-size acne cream.
It was supposed to be an ordinary day for Carolyn Bigsby. She had planned to bake her husband a strudel, give her dog a bath, and water her African violets. Yes, Carolyn had planned to do all sorts of things she thought mattered. But earlier that day, a woman who wasn't her friend told Carolyn something she wasn't supposed to hear. From that moment on, Carolyn felt nothing really mattered anymore.
Mary Alice
Susan: Hey, is that the new neighbor?
Gabrielle: He's cute!
Lynette: Edie said he's a bachelor.
Gabrielle: Keep talking.
Lynette: Who lives with his invalid sister.
Gabrielle: You can stop now.
