Bree: You cannot let your mother move into this neighborhood. It's filled with junkies and whores.
Orson: And we'll owe them all an apology.

Most models don't eat pizza...well, at least not without having a finger for dessert.


Ian: The more I let you into my heart, the more I feel I'm pushing Jane out and...
Susan: You don't have to push Jane out to let me in.
Ian: Of course, you're right.

Amy: Do you have to be skinny to be a model?
Gabrielle: Well yeah. When was the last time you saw a fat person on a magazine cover?

(Edie is showing Bree, Orson and Gloria a cheap house.)
Edie: Let's try to be positive people! It's a fabulous location and just walking distance from all sorts of fun shops.
Bree: Right! From here I can see a bail bonds man and an adult book shop!

Gabrielle: You're opening up a salon? God... Could you get any gayer?
Vern: It's a consulting firm for beauty pageants contestants.
Gabrielle: And the answer's yes.

Get up there and make me hate your beauty!


Susan Mayer had never thought of herself as Cinderella, but then one day... a prince showed up, and Susan realized her life had become a fairy tale. And since her prince had welcomed her into his castle, she felt the least she could do was thank him...again...and again...and again. The next morning, however, Susan discovered castles...don't run themselves.

Mary Alice

Orson: Mother, may I remind you you asked to come here?
Gloria: I didn't know I would be trading one jail for another. At least at the home you could smuggle things in but here nothing gets past the commandant. (looks at Bree)

Lynette: I am snapping because there is a monster across the street and Barney Fife here is making me sound like 'the bad guy'.
(Lynette leaves the police office while Tom stays with the officer.)
Tom: Look I'm sorry. She's been under a lot of stress, hasn't slept well...
Lynette: (from outside the office) You better not be apologizing for me!

(looking in a mirror) I hate this dress. I look like something Ike Turner would hit.


Susan: (covering herself up while lying in Ian's bed) Who are you?
Rupert: I'm Rupert, I work for Mr Hainsworth. That would be the man you slept with, in case names weren't exchanged.

Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 9 Quotes

(at the dinner table) Dear Lord, I thank you for this bland, indifferently prepared meal and beseat you to ignite some spark of compassion in my cold hearted daughter-in-law, that she might show some shred of mercy to me, her wretched captive.


(looking in a mirror) I hate this dress. I look like something Ike Turner would hit.