Bree: Honey, do your hands still tremble when they touch me?
Rex: No. But come on, we've been married eighteen years.
Bree: Yes we have. And you still don't know when I need you to lie

Zach: Ms. Mayer, I am so sorry. It's just, one pebble wasn't working, so I tried a whole handful.
Susan: Ow, ow.
Zach: Look, I'll make it up to you.
Susan: Oh, how? Are you gonna give me your corneas?
Julie: Mom, lay back.
Zach: I just wanted to talk to Julie. She hasn't been returning my phone calls.
Julie: Well, I'm here now. What do you want?
Zach: Come on, Julie. I just want to see you again. You know, talk, hang out.
Julie: Maybe it would be better if we just cooled it for a while, okay?
Zach: Why?
Susan: Well, you just threw rocks in her mother's face. How's that for a start?

I'd be an awful mother, I'm selfish and I'm self-centered, and only person more self-centered than me is Carlos, I mean, he's so self-centered that he doesn't even know how self-centered I am

Gabrielle [to father Crowley]

Annabel: Yes, Tom and I were in love, but he married you. I'm not looking to break up a happy couple... anyway, that's certainly more your speed, isn't it?
Lynette: Watch your step. Tom and I are a team. Our marriage is rock solid. Nothing you ever do will ever break that up.
Annabel: Then why are you down here right now warning me?

Edie: When I feel threatened by a woman, I pull her in, I make her my best friend.
Lynette: I thought you said you didn't have any female friends.
Edie: I don't. And I've never felt threatened by a woman either. But the point is, keep your friends close...
Lynette: ...Keep your enemies closer

Father Crowley: You're pregnant?
Gabrielle: Yes and it's impossible. I'm on the pill which I know you probably think is a sin but it's a 99.9 per cent effective sin.
Father Crowley: Maybe it's in the 1 per cent that God resides.
Gabrielle: You just couldn't wait to throw that in, could you?

Desperate Housewives Season 1 Episode 20 Quotes

Edie: When I feel threatened by a woman, I pull her in, I make her my best friend.
Lynette: I thought you said you didn't have any female friends.
Edie: I don't. And I've never felt threatened by a woman either. But the point is, keep your friends close...
Lynette: ...Keep your enemies closer

Father Crowley: You're pregnant?
Gabrielle: Yes and it's impossible. I'm on the pill which I know you probably think is a sin but it's a 99.9 per cent effective sin.
Father Crowley: Maybe it's in the 1 per cent that God resides.
Gabrielle: You just couldn't wait to throw that in, could you?