Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 4: "Like It Was" Quotes
Edie: Ah, here's the picture that you took of me in my bikini at that pool party. You could've warned me I was showing a little nip. Oh, Susan Mayer. Remember her?
Mike: Yeah. She's pretty.
Edie: Yeah, she is, sort of, in this picture. Is there a date on this thing?
Mike: The nurses said that she visited me a lot. We were close, huh?
Edie: You have just come out of a coma. Can we not talk about Susan till you start to regain your strength?
Edie: Oh, God. I hate to be the one telling you this.
Mike: Well, if you don't want to...
Edie: That tramp treated you like dirt. She strung you along. She slept with other guys. You broke up with her twice.
Mike: Well, why did she keep visiting me when I was out of it?
Edie: Well, she's a bit of a stalker. I was worried that she was gonna come in here and disconnect one of the tubes or something. But don't worry. She's glommed on to some new guy, and she's up in the mountains at his place with him right now.
Mike: Wow. She told the nurses that she really loved me?
Edie: That's the one thing about Susan that you must not forget. She is a liar.
Lynette: So if Tom was cheating, you wouldn't tell me?
Gabrielle: No! But I would hire someone to beat the crap out of him.
Lynette: Aww, you're sweet.
We all have our reasons for rewriting history. Sometimes we need to provide ourselves alibis...(shot of Andrew talking with his friends) Sometimes we wanna hurt someone who has hurt us...(shot of Gaby with her lawyer talking on the phone) And then there are times we just wanna spare ourselves embarrassment... (shot of Lynette talking with other ladies about Parker living the team) Of course, there are some who feel that to rewrite history is just another way to lie... (shot of Howard's wife talking about her husband working late) But what is history anyway... (shot of Mike and Edie at the hospital) but a set of lies agreed upon?Mary Alice
Bree: I am so tired of feeling like the worst mother who ever lived.
Andrew: You're not. There's grandma.
Bree: I just... I've tried so hard to set a good example. I've done the best I could to teach you kids right from wrong. Why isn't it taking?
Andrew: It took. I mean, we know the difference between right and wrong. We just chose wrong.
Andrew: Sometimes, when you push a kid really hard to go one way, the other way starts to look more entertaining.
Bree: (smiling) You're awful.
Andrew: I know. I blame shuddy parenting.
(Susan is in bed with Ian when Julie calls to tell her Mike woke from his coma.)
Susan: Oh my God...
(She looks at Ian)
Susan: Oh my GOD!!
Bree: I'm not telling who it is. I'm just asking the question. If you know a husband has been unfaithful, do you tell the wife?
Lynette: Absolutely! If he's been cheating, he could bring home a disease.
Bree: Okay, that's what I was thinking. I mean, that's how Bunny Connors got chlamydia.
Gabrielle: She told me she got it from wearing someone else's bathing suit.
Lynette: No, that's how she got crabs.
Gabrielle: With Bunny, it's always something. If it's not the clap, it's a botched face lift.
Orson: When Andrew was on the street, he...uh...he didn't just beg for money. At times he...well, he did things to earn it.
Bree: Well, good. I mean, I'd hate to think he had no work ethic at all.
Orson: What I mean is, men hired him...uh...to do things...things he wasn't very proud of.
Orson: 'Fraid not.
Bree: Orson, you're scaring me. Did he do something awful?
Orson: No, no. Not awful. People do it all the time. I do it with you. I just don't pay you for it. (Bree's jaw drops and she gasps) I think someone could use some cocoa.
Tom: Why are you being such a hard ass?
Lynette: It's called parenting, Tom. Watch and learn.
(Lynette practising baseball with Parker.)
Tom: What are you guys doing?
Lynette: I'll tell you what were not doing, quitting.
Tom: Hey buddy, did you change your mind?
Mary Alice: (opening voiceover) The day Mike Delfino woke from his coma, Edie Britt was the first to know. Once she was sure he was responsive, Edie decided to share the good news with others... (shot of Edie running wildly through the hospital, telling a nurse) and that is how word began to spread (shot of the nurse running to the doctor):
Mike's position doctor Craig was busy with a patient when he first heard the news. Not long after, he called his aunt Ida, who was busy knitting a sweater. (shot of Ida) She told Lynette Scavo, who was busy watering her lawn. (shot of Lynette) And she told her husband Tom, who was busy playing a computer game. (shot of Tom) He then emailed his friend Carlos, who was busy plotting strategy with his divorce lawyer. (shot of Carlos calling Gabrielle) And Carlos called his soon-to-be ex-wife Gabrielle, who was busy doing the same with hers. (shot of Bree picking up the phone and telling Danielle) Yes, word of Mike's miraculous recovery spreak quickly throughout Wisteria Lane, (shot of Julie answering the phone and dialing Susan's number) and stopped cold everyone's busy, busy life. (shot of Susan in bath with Ian) Everyone that is, except for Susan Mayer, who was busy doing something, she would soon wish she hadn't.
Carlos, what are you doing here? I mean, besides lowering my property value.Gabrielle
Gabrielle: (to Carlos) You peed in my shampoo. Admit it! The cap was lose and I know how your sick mind works!
Carlos: (to Gabrielle) Oh really well in that case you should know that I wouldn't do it to your shampoo I'd do it to your mouthwash, soup and de-caffinated coffee!
Gabrielle: (to the girls) To answer your question, no we are not getting back together.
(They all pick up the coffee. stare at each other, and put the coffee down.)