Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 5: "Nice She Ain't" Quotes
Julie: So, why did they send you to juvie anyway?
Austin: They didn't. My mom did.
Austin: She had this boyfriend. No job, big drunk, real catch. One night he pops her one, so I break a chair over his head, and, uh, and she calls the copson me.
Julie: But you were protecting her.
Austin: Yeah, that's what I thought. But the guy said he'd leave if she didn't press charges and, well, my mom doesn't really like to be alone.
Julie: Normally I charge twelve bucks an hour for tutoring, but seeing as it's you...fifteen!
Austin: Great. See you Friday. Oh! And just so you know, I charge fifteen an hour to make out, so I'll probably beak even.
(After Susan trips over the curbstone)
Mike: You do that a lot, don't you?
Susan: Well, yeah, I've been known to take a spill or two, but, you know, my doctor says it's an inner ear - wait, you remember that?
Mike: Yeah, I think I do.
Susan: Yes! That's progress! See? Oh, it's all gonna come back. We're gonna be us again!
Mike: But what about the British guy?
Susan: Mike, I don't know what Edie's been telling you, but Ian and I, we're just friends.
Mike: Just friends?
Susan: Yeah. Now. Look, you gotta understand. The doctors were telling me that you would probably never wake up, and I just needed somebody to talk to.
Mike: And that's what you were doing in the country, talking?
(Susan has taken Mike to Wisteria Lane)
Mike: This is pointless, I, I'm sorry, I can't - I don't remember being with you.
Susan: Okay, I know it's hard but you gotta make an effort. You know, if your head is a little foggy then don't look there. Look in your heart, because I'm in there just like you're inside mine.
Edie: Well, at the risk of stating the obvious, it's over. He's mine now.
Susan: No, no, no, no! No, no, this, this is not how this ends. No, evil does not triumph over good.
Edie: That's how you see me?
Susan: Damn straight! You lie, you cheat, you scheme! You ruin people's relationships! I mean, how do you sleep at night?
Edie: Soon, with Mike on top of me, if you know what I mean.
Susan: See? Evil! Evil!
Edie: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe Mike and I are meant to end up together?
Susan: No! You, Mike? You don't even want him! You're just doing this to hurt me.
Edie: Wow, how self-absorbed can you be? I have had a thing for Mike since the day he moved in here, and I even backed off when he fell for your little Miss Adorable act. But he's over that. It's my turn now, and I will be better for him than you ever were. And if you do get hurt, well, that's just gravy. All right, maybe that was a little evil.
(Gabrielle is sitting in the living room putting on make up when Carlos enters the house.)
Gabrielle: Carlos. No Trishelle tonight?
Carlos: Ah, no. About her, I have a confession to make.
Gabrielle: Does her pimp want the rest of the money? You know, there is some cash in my purse.
Doctor: She's resisting our efforts to pump her stomach. She said she only took three sedatives.
Andrew: She's disorientated, pump her.
Bree: Andrew, (Bree looks at doctor) Pump her.
Bree: They're sticking a tube down her throat. Do you still think this is funny?
Andrew: Mom this was a half ass bid for attention.
Bree: This was a cry for help and if we don't listen, the next time she could do something even more dangerous.
Andrew: (smirks) Yeah next time she might jump off the porch.
(shot of Nora alone after Tom left) Sabotage...everyone is capable of it, but some go about it more ruthlessly than others... (shot of Danielle laying on her bed) like the ones who crave vengeance... (shot of Edie kissing Mike) Or the ones who hunger for love...(shot of Gaby in bed with the man she slept with) or the ones who are determined to burn bridges.(shot of Nora talking with Kayla) And then there are those who simply want something...Something that belongs to someone else.Mary Alice
The art of sabotage...it's practiced every day in the suburbs. (shot of a woman preparing a cake) Sometimes it takes the form of a bundt cake offered to a friend who's on a diet. (shot of a woman cutting the cable and greeting her husband's friends) Other times, it's a cable cut just as a husband's friends arrive to watch the big game. (shot of Mrs McCluskey calling the city zoning department) And then there's always that anonymous phone call to the city zoning department. (Bree goes to the motel where her daughter and Mr Faladi are staying) Yes, in suburbia, everyone you meet is a potential saboteur...absolutely everyone...Yes, the art of sabotage...it's practiced every day in the suburbs...But few do it as well as Bree Hodge...or as politely.Mary Alice
Bree: Is my daughter alright?
Doctor: She'll be fine. The wounds are very superficial.
Andrew: (smirks) So is the patient.
Danielle: (to Bree) When are you going to take me seriously?!
Bree: When you start acting like an adult.
Andrew: She sleeps with them, that's a start.
Tom: I bet you didn't see that one coming?
Lynette: No.. That was a real frisbee to the head, that one!