Desperate Housewives Season 1 Quotes
Detective: The stationary is particle 17, 100% cotton. It is made by Cyprus Office Products. In stores in twelve cities, including yours. We traced that postmark back to your local post office.
Paul: Meaning?
Detective: Meaning that the blackmailer is probably someone you know. A neighbor, milkman, pool boy, soccer mom...
Paul: Soccer mom?
Detective: Mr. Young, sometimes evil drives a mini van. I had this gig once, tracking down this PTA mom, was hell-bent on landing her daughter a spot on the parade float. Fed anti-freeze to half the homecoming committee.
Paul: Did you catch her?
Detective: Mr. Young, the people who hired me didn't hire me to catch her
Mike: I know how this looks, but there is nothing between us. Kendra is just an old friend.
Susan: Old friend?
Mike: Yeah, you know...
Susan: Yeah. Yeah. No, actually no, I don't know. So, by old friend, do you mean college pal, bowling buddy, saved you from drowning?
Mike: It's hard to explain.
Susan: Could you give it a shot?
Paul: Look, I just want to move this place fast. I'll do whatever we have to do.
Edie: Well, that's good to know. You do realize that you're going to have to disclose the fact that your wife killed herself in the house.
Paul: I am?
Edie: Oh, yeah. Legal crap. You know, people get really freaked out by suicides. You can't blame them. Hell, I get the willies just standing here.
Paul: Is there any way to get around it?
Edie: Off the record? You could say that she shot herself in the living room, and then crawled out back to die
Julie: How am I supposed to blend in with a bunch of messed up teenagers?
Susan: I dunno, pretend you're bulimic, gag a little
Susan: How'd you get the fat lip?
Paul: The usual way; asking too many questions
Juanita may have been the gambler in the family, but Gabrielle was the one who knew how to bluff
Mary Alice
Bree: Is that how you see me? As some sort of prude who just lays there like a cold fish? I love sex.
Dr. Goldfine: All right.
Bree: I love everything about it. The sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then, when you add friction. Mmm ... The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently. And then there's the act itself - two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum. I mean, obviously it has its practical applications, but I'm just not a fan
Lynette: Seriously, you're taking your kids' medication?
Jordana: Once in a while. Do you want a couple?
Lynette: Oh, that's very kind of you, but I just smoked some crack a little while ago, so I better not mix.
Gabrielle: Yeah, I've seen who you've been busy with.
John: Danielle? Come on, I mean, she's just a friend.
Gabrielle: Well, before you get any friendlier, let me remind you, I can do things to you she can't even pronounce
Suburbia is a battleground, an arena for all forms of domestic combat. Husbands clash with wives, parents cross swords with children, but the bloodiest battles often involve women and their mothers-in-law. The war for control of Carlos began the night he proposed, and Gabrielle had been losing ground to Juanita ever since. From the prenuptial agreement which she reluctantly signed, to the selection of wedding music she despised, the color of the house paint she hadn't wanted ... Gabrielle had suffered one defeat after another
Mary Alice
Dr. Sicher: Severe depression. Borderline personality disorder. Zach is a deeply troubled young man.
Paul: I'm aware of that. What are you giving him?
Dr. Sicher: Some antidepressants and a mood stabilizer.
Paul: Good.
Dr. Sicher: I'm also recommending extensive psychotherapy, to help unearth any repressed -
Paul: I don't think so.
Dr. Sicher: Mr. Young, I can't just medicate him indefinitely.
Paul: Forget the Freud and stick with the drugs. No new treatments without my permission
Carlos: Hmmmm... that's nice.
Gabrielle: You like that?
Carlos: Oh, yeah.
Gabrielle: God, I'm gonna miss this, Carlos.
Carlos: What do you mean?
Gabrielle: Well, since, I'm gonna have to be doing the cooking, and the cleaning, and all the shopping, like the other wives...
Carlos: Hmmm, hmmm.
Gabrielle: I'm going to be exhausted at night, just like all the other wives, til I build up my stamina, of course, but that might take a couple of years