(Susan moves closer to Edie. Edie looks at Susan suspiciously.)
Edie: You're wearing a wire, aren't you?
Susan: Huh?
Edie: Open that blouse!
Susan: What? No!
Edie: Open that blouse!
(Edie rips open Susan's blouse and sees the microphone. Susan runs.)
Edie: Ahhhhh! You can't outrun me, Mayer. I'm in the best shape of my life!
Susan: Oh good. Then you'll be prime meat picking when you go to jail!
Edie: You bitch!
Susan: Bite me!

Matthew: Mom. Look, I know you're out there. Please, just talk to me. Mom, I need something to drink. Just some water, some juice, something, anything, please. (bangs on the door) Mom! You want me to say I set Caleb up. Yeah, I did it. I started thinking about all those years, years that we had to take care of him and I just thought maybe once he was gone, we could have a normal life. And I'm sorry. But Mom, you have got to let me out of here, now!
(Betty gets up. With a crowbar, she bangs on the door.)
Betty: You! You were willing to stand by and let me murder your brother without reason. It's an unforgivable betrayal! I am so consumed with rage, it's best you stay in there because if I let you out, I don't know what I might do to you!

(Susan turns on the recorder under her shirt and knocks on Edie's door. Edie answers the door eating a bag of popcorn. She tries to slam the door. Susan holds the door)
Susan: No, Edie, wait! Um, I don't want to fight. I know that we've had our differences, but you know we had a friendship going on there and I just think we owe it to ourselves to talk about what happened.
Edie: What's there to talk about? It happened. (she chews the popcorn as she talks) I walked down to your house. I had this watering can.
Susan: What?
Edie (muffled): I filled it with gasoline and boom! Laughed my ass off.
Susan: Okay, wait, could you just swallow? 'Cause I couldn't really hear what you were saying.
Edie: Well, that was basically it. One of the best days of my life.
Susan: Well, see you were chewing and so I didn't really hear what you said. Could you just say it again?
Edie: I burnt you house down and it was great. What do you want?
Susan: So, uh, you then admit burning down my house. On purpose.

Paul: I'm calling the police.
Felicia: No need, I just needed to borrow some flour. I'm a little bit psychic and I predict fresh baked cookies in your future.

Lynette: Atlantic City?
Tom: Yeah, it's last minute, but Jerry got a great deal on a suite at one of the casinos and a bunch of the old gang is coming in from New York and, god, it's been forever since I have been so, how could I turn that down?
Lynette: Yeah, how indeed.
Tom: What?
Lynette: I didn't say anything.

Sometimes, I'm just all thumbs.

</i> Felicia

Bree: I think it's going to be a kick having Susan and Julie stay with us. It'll be like living in a sorority. We'll stay up late and we'll gossip and make s'mores. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
Danielle: Why are you pretending to be happy? I heard you walking around your room all night long. Crying.
Bree: I don't want to talk about it.

She's good!

</i>

Susan: I've never stopped caring about you.
Mike: Then why did you jump in bed with Karl?
Susan: I would have never even gone there if I thought there was a chance with us. You just closed the door so completely, I- Can we just not talk about him? Have some more pie. (She feeds him) I know you like pie. I know you like me.

(At Mike's place after Oliver has played the tape of Karl and Susan talking)
Susan: Okay, ahm, first of all it was not the best sex I ever had. I just said that to make him feel better. Obviously, you are the best sex I ever had.
Oliver: That explains the punch in the face.
Mike: I'm gonna hit you again if you don't shut up.
Susan: I know that this looks bad-
Mike: You were actually fooling around with Karl behind Edie's back.
Susan: No, no, no. No, Karl lied to me. He told me that he and Edie had split up before-
Mike: You know what? I don't even care.

(After Mike punches Olivr for insulting Susan) Yes, Oliver Weston had become a cynic, which is why he couldn't recognize a man who was still in love.

Mary Alice

Susan knew she couldn't afford to keep the P.I. from revealing her affair with Karl and since Edie would learn the truth anyway, Susan felt it would be better if it came from her. Which is how she came to write a letter begging Edie for forgiveness. Her words were so sincere and heartfelt, from the moment she mailed it, Susan knew she was a dead woman.

Mary Alice

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

Bree: Give me your tie.
Tom: What?
Bree: Give me your tie!
Lynette: Give it to her! Give it to her!

(to Rex's corpse) You look... magnificent.

Bree