Lynette: Bree Van De Kamp and I have known each other a long time. I trust her completely. She's a wonderful friend and a fantastic mother. She puts the rest of us to shame.
Andrew: She's lying! Are you gonna let her get away with this crap?!

Bree: Peter... But... You forgot your shirt!
Peter: (in a rush) Keep it!

Peter: What are you doing?
Bree: I'm just giving you a little kiss.
Peter: Why?
Bree: Well, it's just my way of saying "thank you" for everything you've done for me in the last few weeks.

...The easiest way to overcome one addiction is to replace it with another one.

Mary Alice

Karl: Speaking of Edie... I have some big news... I finally did it... I popped the question!
Julie: Congratulations dad!
Susan: Yeah... Congratulations! What happened to "waiting 6 months?"
Karl: Edie and I are not getting married tomorrow. It takes months to plan a classic wedding.

Frank: Hey... I'm Frank, Libby's boyfriend.
Gabielle: Libby, you didn't tell us you had a boyfriend!
Libby: Didn't I?! I thought I had...
Frank: What's that? A present for our baby?
Carlos: I'm sorry... Did you just say "our baby?"

Carlos: He's not going to sell his baby for $8000!
Gabrielle: Are we talking about the same idiot?! I think for $30,000 you throw in a kidney!

If you'll excuse me, I gotta go buy a wedding dress! Oh by the way, I'll be wearing white so that'll be a surprise for everybody!

Edie

Libby: Oh come on Frank, you know you'll be a lousy father!
Frank: It's my kid! And I have the right to mess her up If I want to!

Edie: Don't tell anyone but I'm planning a huge surprise for Karl!
Susan: Surprise?!
Edie: Yeah I put in together an engagement party tomorrow afternoon.
Julie: Oh Cool!
Edie: But that's not the surprise. Actually, it's gonna be a surprise wedding!

Peter: I have this rule - plant, pet, person. If I can keep a plant alive, then I can move on to a pet, and if I can make that work, then I can start dating again.
Bree: (laughs)So how are you doing?
Peter: I'm on my fourth ficus.

Donna: Now come on!
Bree: Come on?! Where are we going?!
Donna: Hiking! There is nothing like it to take your mind off booze!

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

Xiao-mei: Here, taste this.
Carlos: Oh, man! Xiao-mei, that is amazing.
Xiao-mei: You like?
Carlos: Oh, yeah. Sorry if I'm making a mess.
Xiao-mei: It's okay. Mu Shu Pork. Supposed to be messy.
Carlos:I wish Gabrielle could cook like this. Have you ever tried her enchiladas?
Xiao-mei:One time they make me sick.

Matthew: Mom. Look, I know you're out there. Please, just talk to me. Mom, I need something to drink. Just some water, some juice, something, anything, please. (bangs on the door) Mom! You want me to say I set Caleb up. Yeah, I did it. I started thinking about all those years, years that we had to take care of him and I just thought maybe once he was gone, we could have a normal life. And I'm sorry. But Mom, you have got to let me out of here, now!
(Betty gets up. With a crowbar, she bangs on the door.)
Betty: You! You were willing to stand by and let me murder your brother without reason. It's an unforgivable betrayal! I am so consumed with rage, it's best you stay in there because if I let you out, I don't know what I might do to you!