Bree: Tony, how many more arias is he going to sing?
Tony: Five.
Bree: Well, in that case, why don't you bring me another bottle of the Pinot Grigio? (pauses as waiter hits a particularly sour note) And please hurry...

Lucia: I left Charles.
Gabrielle: What? He was worth like six million dollars!
Lucia: Money is not everything, Gabrielle.
Gabrielle: For some people, but we're talking about you now, Mother.

Gabrielle: Don't be so suicidal, we can always adopt.
Carlos: I wanted to have a child of our own, you know that.
Gabrielle: What does it matter whose DNA it is, the diapers are still going to smell the same regardless.

Susan Mayer had always believed the punishment should fit the crime. She first came to this conclusion when she discovered her husband Karl had been unfaithful. Since Karl had destroyed the love she had given him, Susan felt it was only appropriate she destroy the things he loved in return one by one. But now, three years after their divorce, Susan was reunited with Karl once again as partners in a crime of their own. Yes, Susan Mayer believed the punishment should fit the crime. But for that matter, so did Karl.

Mary Alice

Bree: For god sakes, it was an honest mistake. I thought I could have just a little bit of wine with dinner, but, apparently, my body couldn't handle it. Fine! If it makes everybody happy, I will just suffer through my sneezing fits and my hives on my own. There. Is that better?
Andrew: So basically you would rather drink than to not have allergies?

Bree: Well, I didn't wanna come here because I was afraid it would drudge up memories of my husband. This was our place. Rex passed away recently. He was, um, murdered by our pharmacist.
Tony: Wow. I hope you changed pharmacists.
Bree: I didn't have to. He committed suicide.

Hi. I need an operation on my spleen and I just found out I don't have medical insurance. Is there anyone I can sue?


The world is filled with unlikely friendships. Odd pairings that to the casual observer make absolutely no sense at all. But if you look closer, we can see why these alliances form. After all, a shared purpose can give even mortal enemies common ground.

Mary Alice

All we have to do is find a guy who is willing to marry you. You know, come to think of it, a little prayer might not be such a bad idea after all.


Carlos: You know who you are, Gabby? You're the kind of person who would've turned away Mary and Joseph from the Inn.
Gabrielle: Well, they should've called ahead.

Bree: When I was young, my stepmother told me that I was very lucky. I possessed beauty, wit, cunning and insight. These were weapons all women needed to survive in the world.
Danielle: So?
Bree: So take good care of your looks, Danielle. You don't have any other weapons at your disposal.

The world is filled with unlikely friendships. (Shot of Bree comforting Betty as she explains about Caleb.) How do they begin? With one person desperately in need. (Shot of Gabrielle trying on a dress) And another willing to lend a helping hand. (Shot of Xiao-Mhe pinning the dress, smiling back at Gabrielle) When such kindness is offered, we are finally able to see the worth of those we have previously written off. (Shot of Susan getting her mail, and then waving to Karl, who is riding on a bike with Edie) And before we know it, a bond has formed. (Shot of Ed and Tom slapping hands and laughing) Regardless of whether others can understand it. (Shot of Lynette watching them. She shakes her head.) Yes, unlikely friendships start up everyday. (Shot of Danielle and Matthew kissing) No one understands this more then the lonely. (Caleb is watching Danielle from his window) In fact, it's what they count on.

Mary Alice

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

Xiao-mei: Here, taste this.
Carlos: Oh, man! Xiao-mei, that is amazing.
Xiao-mei: You like?
Carlos: Oh, yeah. Sorry if I'm making a mess.
Xiao-mei: It's okay. Mu Shu Pork. Supposed to be messy.
Carlos:I wish Gabrielle could cook like this. Have you ever tried her enchiladas?
Xiao-mei:One time they make me sick.

Matthew: Mom. Look, I know you're out there. Please, just talk to me. Mom, I need something to drink. Just some water, some juice, something, anything, please. (bangs on the door) Mom! You want me to say I set Caleb up. Yeah, I did it. I started thinking about all those years, years that we had to take care of him and I just thought maybe once he was gone, we could have a normal life. And I'm sorry. But Mom, you have got to let me out of here, now!
(Betty gets up. With a crowbar, she bangs on the door.)
Betty: You! You were willing to stand by and let me murder your brother without reason. It's an unforgivable betrayal! I am so consumed with rage, it's best you stay in there because if I let you out, I don't know what I might do to you!