(Edie and Mike talk through the bars of his cell.)
Mike: I'm gonna need a good lawyer. And that may take a little research.
Edie: Uh huh.
Mike: And whoever takes my case will need a retainer. So if you don't mind, I promise I'll pay you back.
Edie: Oh, okay.
Mike: And make sure he knows about my wrench. Apparently, they tested it and found traces of Monique's blood. What's wrong?
Edie: I don't know if you picked up on this, Mike, but...I haven't been happy.
Mike: No, I didn't pick up on it.
Edie: Well, I wanted to tell you this weeks ago, and I wish that I had, because now I know you're gonna think that I'm breaking up with you over this whole blood on the ax thing.
Mike: Wrench.
Edie: Whatever. But believe me, that's not it. It's just...we are moving too fast.
Mike: What are you trying to say?
Edie: Well, maybe we should just take a break. You know, date other people.
Mike: You're telling me this on the day I'm put in a men's prison?
Edie: Well, I said the timing was bad. I am sorry. I, I really am. I just can't do this.

Friends come and go, but crowns are forever.


Gloria: You think you could be rid of me that easily?
Orson: It's over mother, I told her everything.
Gloria: Oh, I doubt that very much. You still have secrets my boy.
Orson: So do you mother, and if you want them kept, you'll keep mine.

(Bree is throwing Gloria Hodge out of the house.)
Bree: We've rented you a condo in a lovely retirement community. It's our Christmas gift to you.
Gloria: So you're cutting me off from my new grandchildren?
Bree: That's our gift to them!

For the residents of Wisteria Lane, the holiday season could only begin once the decorations came out, for some that meant pulling out the colored lights, for others it meant locating that holiday reef, and then there were those eager to display their nativity scene. But for a romantic view it was all about the mistletoe.

Mary Alice

There is a reason people can't wait for Christmas, and it has little to do with family reunions, or curling up with a cup of eggnog, or that unexpected kiss beneath a mistletoe, or receiving a present from that special someone, no, people look forward to Christmas, because they know it's a time for miracles

Mary Alice

(Lynette and Gabrielle are getting ready for a poker game and Bree joins them)
Lynette: Guys, why's it been so long since we played poker? I really need this.
Bree: Oh, me too there is nothing more relaxing than an afternoon of finger food and girl talk.
(Susan walks in and joins them)
Susan: Hi ladies.
Lynette: Hey, how you doing?
Susan(to Bree): So did you tell the police that you think Orson killed Monique?
Gabrielle(in shock): What?
Bree(stunned): No I did not, and I don't plan to.
Susan: But Mike's in jail, and you said yourself you thought Orson did it.
Bree: I said I had concerns, concerns that have disappeared now that Mike has been arrested.
Susan: What are you saying? You think Mike is guilty?
Lynette: Hey, why don't we start that girl talk?
Gabrielle: I'll get the ball rolling, anybody have a yeast infection?
Bree(to Susan): They found Monique's blood on the wrench that Mike was trying to dispose of, I mean that hardly screams "INNOCENCE".
Susan: Her teeth were pulled, you don't think that's worth telling the cops she was messing around with a dentist?
Gabrielle(to Lynette): Orson was slipping it to the deck chick? (Lynette makes a weird expression)
Susan: Mike is innocent I know that in my heart.
Bree: We all have convictions Susan, I believe Mike's last one was for manslaughter. (Smirks)
Lynette: Ok, ok we've all made some excellent points in blowing off little steam, wooh, let's play some cards. (Smiles)
(Weird pause)
Susan(to Bree): If you're so sure that Orson is innocent why don't we go through his things? Where is his desk?
Bree: At his office, and what did you think you'd find there anyway?
Susan: I don't know a blackmail letter, a necklace made of teeth.
Lynette(to Gabrielle after both gave up): We're not gonna play cards are we?
Gabrielle(eating): no.
Susan: Well I'm certainly not playing with a woman that is willing to let Mike take the fall for her psycho husband.
Bree: Well needless to say I won't be cooking dinner for Ian's parents.
Susan: Fine, I'll cook myself.
Bree: Good, let me know if there are any survivors. (Smirks)
Susan: And if you take Orson back, you do the same. (Smirks back and leaves)

Susan: Ian, haven't you ever wondered why I've never cooked for you?
Ian: I just assumed that you were lazy.
Susan: I wish. My cooking is not good.
Ian: Well, my parents won't be expecting a gourmet meal.
Susan: Will they be expecting stomach cramps, acid reflux, night sweats?

Susan: Don't worry. Dinner's all taken care of. We're having blanquette de veau and a grand marnier souffl.
Ian: Well, that's very ambitious of you, and, uh, when will Bree be done making it?
Susan: Five-thirty. But I am rewarming it all by myself.

Gert: Rita, I want the word "pedophile" to really stand out. Do we have any glitter?
Mrs. McCluskey: Say "molester." It sounds scarier.

Bree: What in the world?
(Bree and Susan see Mike being arrested.)
Susan: Oh, my God! What's going on?
Mrs. McCluskey: They just arrested Mike for murder.
Susan: What?!
Mrs. McCluskey: They're saying he killed that woman on the news, that Monique person.
Bree: Oh thank God!

Bree: What are you watching?
Gloria: Home movies.
Bree: It's fun looking back at the past, isn't it?
Gloria: Well, it's one way to kill time while you're waiting for death.
Bree: We also have cable.

Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes

(talking on the phone) Hey Gaby, It's Lynette. Got a little emergency here. Is it okay if we use your back yard? (pauses) Great, great. And we take complete responsibility for whatever the pony does. Hope you get this message soon.


Bree: Excuse me. Did you lose something?
Orson: No. I just thought... for you.
Bree: Oh, um. I don't do that.
Orson: Why not?
Bree: I'm a republican.
Orson: I'm a libertarian. I believe in minimizing the role of the state and maximizing individual rights.
Bree: But Orson?!
Orson: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.