Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes
(to Orson) I should have smothered you in your crib when I had the chance!
Gloria
Tom: (to his children) And we'll all see Auntie Nora again in heaven.
Lynette: Or wherever.
Lynette: How do I thank the man who saved my life.
Art: You don't have to say anything.
Lynette: I'm gonna make you a cake.
Art: (smiles) A cake.
Lynette: Yeah, I never make cakes, this is huge.
Susan: (talking about Julie and Austin) Are you crazy? If we don't do something those two could end up having sex.
Edie: Could?
Susan: Oh my God! You don't...
Edie: I've got a box of condoms in my dresser. Eleven are gone. I can only account for eight of them.
Lynette: Art is the one who saved me, at the supermarket. He's sort of a superhero.
Parker: Give me a break.
Lynette: It's true.
Parker: All right. If you're a superhero, what's your name?
Art: I'm Protector Man!
(on the phone) What do you mean you can't shoot her? Francesco, if you could airbrush her acne, you can airbrush the track marks. Now, don't call me again unless she OD's.
Marcella
(to Bree) Why are you talking to me like I'm a moron?
Gloria
(A girl scout is selling magazines to Gabrielle.)
Scout: For the lady of the house we offer Redbook, Glamour, Vo-goo...
Gabrielle: I think you mean Vogue sweety.
Scout: You're sure?
Gabrielle: I should know, I was on the cover.
Scout: No way!
Gabrielle: Er... Way!
Parker: You went to the store and you got shot, and auntie Nora died.
Lynette: I'm only gonna be in there for ten minutes, I promise.
Parker: Can't she go? (pointing at Mrs. McCluskey)
I don't care, my mother's not moving in here until she fits in a jar on the mantle.
Orson
Susan: Julie, that boy drinks, he steals, and now I find him mauling you on my couch? That's it! Julie Alexandra Mayer, I forbid you to see him!
Julie: You can't do that! I choose who I date. You don't!
Susan: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe I don't, but I do choose to ground you. Two weeks, baby. No more.
Julie: Fine. I'll just see him at school, then.
Susan: Well, then maybe you won't go to school. I'll home school you.
Julie: Right. You're gonna teach me trig? You can't even balance your own checkbook.
Susan: Yes, and you will be poorly educated, and you won't get into college, and you will work for minimum wage for the rest of your life, and all because of that boy! I hope you're happy!
Julie: Mom, I like this guy, and I'm sorry if it makes you unhappy, but I'm going to keep seeing him no matter what. So don't try to stop me!
Bree: Now you listen to me. That woman gave you life, and the Fifth Commandment tells us to honor our parents no matter how hideous or repellent they may be.
Orson: That's not exactly what...
Bree: Orson, it's implied!
