Laura Ridley: Why aren't you using this to make Liam resent me more?
Fallon: Because I know what it's like to hate your mother, and I don't want that for Liam. But hey, one silver lining: at least you're cancer-free.

• Permalink: at least you're cancer-free.
• Added: May 03, 2019

You can drop the big C act. I know it's fake.

Fallon

• Permalink: You can drop the big C act. I know it's fake.
• Added: May 03, 2019

And you look fantastic, for someone who just face-planted into a fireplace.

Blake

• Permalink: And you look fantastic, for someone who just face-planted into a fireplace.
• Added: May 03, 2019

Laura Ridley: I read your book. My dear friend, the Pulitzer-Prize-winning critic, Michiko Kakutani, she slipped me her advanced copy. And I must say I'm offended. Not only by your subpar writing but by your slanderous portrayal of me. So I have filed a lawsuit.
Liam: It's fiction, Mom.
Laura Ridley: The book will never see the light of day, and I will tie up your little vagina power company with so many lawsuits that you will never sign another author again.
Fallon: Are you really that sad?
Laura Ridley: What's sad is this little folly. So I will give you a choice. I will give up the lawsuit if you give up my son.

• Permalink: What's sad is this little folly. So I will give you a choice. I will give up the lawsuit if...
• Added: May 03, 2019

I mean, I should've known better. Kissing in public? It's almost as bad as leaking your own sex tape.

Fallon

• Permalink: I mean, I should've known better. Kissing in public? It's almost as bad as leaking your own...
• Added: May 03, 2019