Ivanka: Your dress is perfect.
Kat: Oh, really?
Ivanka: So dowdy. Almost like a tortured pilgrim growing that hair all dry and desperate for highlights. I love it. You're the perfect victim.

(to Joanna) I'm buying you a muzzle.


(talking about her ex-fiance Morgan) Penny, that man took six years of my life! I thought we were soulmates and then he pooped on my heart.


Kat: I want that man to feel pain!
Darryl: I must admit it is thrilling to watch you finally getting angry, Kat. And I love cooking up revenge strategies, but... there is a certain breed of people who plays this game better than others.
Kat: Mafia?

You know what?! We live in a town with all kinds of silly, witchy, tourist-y bull crap. This is got to be related somehow. It's just another silly, witchy, tourist-y, bull-crappy symbol.


Penny: You wore a Vera Chang wedding dress?
Joanna: I couldn't afford Vera Wang.

(rambling to Morgan) Boy! I wish I could stay and chat, but unfortunately, I'm-- I'm very late... For work, not like, 'oops! I missed a period, late' which would be pretty impossible right now. Not-- not that I'm not having a lot of sex, I definitely am. Just, you know, safe sex-- safer sex.


To err is human, to forgive is divine. All that crap.


(staring at Kat in a hot dress) If we were in college, a little Indigo Girls on my iPod, you wouldn't stand a chance.


Kat: (to Joanna) I can't believe you went to a whorehouse.
Roxie: (to Kat) I can't believe you had sex in a public pool!

Darryl: 'And I will execute great vengeance on them with wrathful rebukes. They will know that I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance on them.'
Roxie: Pulp Fiction?
Darryl: No, Ezekiel. Twenty-five, seventeen.
Roxie: I wouldn't have pegged you for a Bible thumper.

(Joanna and Will start making out on a desk)
Will: No, wait. I want to do this right.
Joanna: Oh, we can do it all kinds of ways.

Eastwick Quotes

(voiceover) Sometimes, those with the most powerful abilities are hiding in the most unlikely places.


Chicken hands, you gonna stare at my boobs all day or you gonna buy something?