Joan: ...I forgot about the roosters...
Trent Garby: I did, too. Eventually. By moving out.

Perhaps we should encourage our local muggers to increase their activity.

Sherlock [on annoying short-term renters next door]

The man we saw shoot Ryan Dunning... was Ryan Dunning.


You're finally making up for that childhood you never had... as a three-year-old girl.


[about a violent biker gang] Well, they spared no expense embracing the cliches, haven't they?


You want to steal something from a heavily-armed, meth-dealing band of bike-riding Satanists.


Neil Dannon: Look, Toby is not some loner creep, no matter how hard you try to paint him like one.
Sherlock [pulls out a box full of mutilated photos]: You were saying?

We really are living in a golden age for perverts.


So, you'll break her nose, put her in the ER, but you draw the line at murder?

Marcus Bell

Do me a favor -- don't be too careful when you arrest them. Person who did this belongs down here.


Well, I've always found the best way to come at a haystack is with a pitchfork.


Oh, and if you have any lingering doubts, here's how you can be certain I'm not the one who tried to kill you -- you're alive!


Elementary Quotes

Holmes: Why do you suppose you hate your job so much?
Watson: I don't hate my job.
Holmes: You have two alarm clocks. No one with two alarm clocks loves their job. Two alarm clocks mean it's a chore for you to get up in the morning.

Watson: How do you do it, guess things?
Sherlock: I observe and then I deduce.
Watson: How did you know I was a doctor, you said you could tell from my hands.
Sherlock: Hand, singular. It was soft no calluses.
Watson: How did you know my father had an affair?
Sherlock: Google. Not everything is deducible.