Like all television viewers, our first priority before deciding to continue watching a show should be whether or not it features enough diversity.

Female TV Viewer

Peter: You guys aren't supporting my choice?
Quagmire: What do you expect, Peter? A sex change operation? Why you doing this?
Peter: I'll tell you why I'm doing all of this. For me. M.E. M.E. I'm doing it for M.E.

The ethnic characters on these Emmy-winning shows aren't exactly rocket scientists are they?

Peter

Griffins let's make this an Emmy-winning episode, so get all your pukes and farts out now.

Peter

Peter: Family Guy has been around since 1999 and whenever it's time for the Emmy's they never give us one. I'm sick of it.
Lois: Well, I'm not making another episode with The Simpsons. What did that get us? I'll tell you what that got us. More ink for The Simpsons.

Hey, don't try to take this away from me. This is the only thing I've ever been good at. Well, this and timing my farts to a thunderstorm.

Peter

Brian [after getting off a very crowded bus]: What I wouldn't do for a big, juicy steak.
Indian guy: How dare you! To us, cows are sacred.
Indian guy #2: That's right. You are disrespecting our entire culture!
Indian guy #3: And why did Wes Anderson come here to make his worst movie?
Brian: Stewie! What do we do!?
Stewie: Quick. Hit the red buttons.
[He and Brian press the red dots on the Indian men's foreheads and they power down.]
Brian: Wow. That came in handy.

Joe: You and the gang? I'm the one who brought you here.
Peter: Yeah, well, you know something? The Mayflower also brought fungus which then became the potato famine.
Joe: What the hell are you talking about?
Peter: I don't know. I had like about four Ensures. I'm outta my mind.

Stewie: A peck on the cheek? Was that worth an $8000 coach ticket?
Brian: You know what? It's about the journey, not the destination.
Stewie: No, it's not. This sucked, and you failed.

Stewie: Oh, Padma, I meant to ask you, are there, like, Bengal tigers running loose in the cities?
Padma: I don't know. In America, are there annoying, talking babies always interrupting?

Joe, gag on my fat dauber.

Peter

Stewie:[about India]: Ah, I tell you, I love it here, Brian. The sounds. The colors. You know this is where the Beatles came to ruin their music.

Family Guy Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

Brian: You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie: Excuse me?
Meg: Brian, let's just go.
Brian: No, no, no, no, no. Now hang on... hang on, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started putting out when you were 12. But now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So, you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19, you're going to be a worn-out, chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your step-dad won't want. How's that? Am I in the ballpark?
(Connie cries and runs)