Mr. Tumnis: Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnis.
Peter: Hey give me back my sock you goat bastard!

• Permalink: Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnis. Hey give me back my sock yo...
• Added: August 25, 2009

Patriot: Peter.
Peter: Hey you're the Pawtucket Patriot.
Patriot: Verily. Come hither and give heed.
Peter: Woah woah woah. I don't swing that way pal. Look I've got a date with my female wife. I just came down to get some beers.
Patriot: Why spend time with your wife? If you build a bar in this basement and stuff it with plenty of Pawtucket Patriots, your friends will come down here for a beer as well.
Peter: Build a bar! That's a great idea. Wait one last question! If I walk through you does that mean like..we've done it?
Patriot: Gee what's with you and the gay jokes?

• Permalink: Peter. Hey you're the Pawtucket Patriot. Verily. Come hither...
• Added: August 25, 2009

Lois: Bye bye Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you goodnight.
Stewie: Burn in hell!

• Permalink: Bye bye Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you goodnight. ...
• Added: August 25, 2009

Damn you! You're one of them. What are they paying you? I'll double it! I'll give you whatever you want! Money, women... men?

Stewie

• Permalink: Damn you! You're one of them. What are they paying you? I'll dou...
• Added: August 18, 2009

Jennifer: Meg, you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Stewart!
Lois: Oh, no. Once you get to know me, I'm really very nice

• Permalink: Meg, you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Stewart...
• Added: August 18, 2009

Peter [while riding an elephant]: Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change

• Permalink: An elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change
• Added: August 18, 2009

Stewie: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here.
Peter: Hey stinky. Have we got big plans for you.
Stewie: Plans? What the devil are you talking about?

• Permalink: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own f...
• Added: August 18, 2009

Peter: Meg, you're home late.
Meg: I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading.
Peter: Well, don't keep me in suspense. How'd you do?
Meg: I'll give you a hint. I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked! Sucked!
Peter: Yay! Oh, I mean, sorry, honey

• Permalink: Meg, you're home late. I stayed after school to try out for ch...
• Added: August 18, 2009

It's cool dad. They have this game where you put in a dollar, and you win four quarters. I win every time!

Chris

• Permalink: It's cool dad. They have this game where you put in a dollar, an...
• Added: August 18, 2009

Meg: Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever.
Peter: Oh no you're not honey. What about that fat girl from the Judds?

• Permalink: Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever. Oh no you'r...
• Added: August 18, 2009

Face it, I'm a bad husband, a lousy father, and a snappy dresser

Peter

• Permalink: Face it, I'm a bad husband, a lousy father, and a snappy dresser
• Added: August 18, 2009

Come on everyone, we're late for the Bavarian Folk Festival. You know those Germans, if you don't join their party they'll come get ya!

Peter

• Permalink: Come on everyone, we're late for the Bavarian Folk Festival. You...
• Added: August 18, 2009