Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 3 Quotes
[the Ku Klux Klan are chasing Peter and Cleveland]
Peter: Holy crap, do you see what I see?
Cleveland: I'm afraid I do.
Peter: We're being chased by ghosts!
Diane: A tragic accident today in the north Providence area, a family of four lost their lives when their mini van swerved off the road and into a ravine, exploding on impact.
[Tom laughs]
Diane: Do you find this funny Tom?
Tom: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I was remembering I accidentally put my shirt on inside out this morning. It's fine now though. So what were you saying about a.... fashion show?
Cleveland: You just put Peter in the doghouse, which is where your mother...
Loretta: Don't say it.
Cleveland: Your mother smells
Cleveland: So where is it you need to go, my new honkey friend?
Peter: Rhode Island. That's not too far, is it?
Cleveland: Nothing's too far away from Maxine the cheatin' queen. Women. That's not fair, I'm just speaking out of hurt
Death's Mom: Why can't you find a nice girl?
Death: Ma, she's gonna dump him.
Death's Mom: Well, at least he got that far. [to Peter]: You know who he took to the Prom? His cousin.
Peter: That's weak.
Death's Mom: Yeah
Death's Mom: Death. Put your jacket on or you'll get frostbite.
Death: I don't have skin!
Death's Mom: That's 'cause you didn't eat your beans!
Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You first.
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is goin'. Giggety, giggety, gig-get-ty
Doctor: Well Rudolph, we finally figured out what makes your nose red.
Rudolph: Is it pixie dust or leprechaun tails?
Doctor: No, it's a tumor.
Rudolph: You mean like a magical Christmas tumor?
Doctor: No, a malignant tumor, the base which is lodged deep within your brain.
Rudolph: Oh...Like a happy, special...
Doctor: You're going to die
Lois: Oh, Peter! Isn't she beautiful?
Peter: Yeah, but I think she's with that guy, they've been holding hands all night.
Lois: Peter! I mean Meg!
Peter: Oh, yeah, she's hot
Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hmm, the end result of a drunken back seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?
Chris: Dad, I know what to do. I saw it on Fox's When Bears Attack. Chris [to the bear]: Go away! Go on! Get! Stay tuned for an all-new Ally McBeal
Peter: I'm trying to make love to you and all you can think about is Chris.
Lois: What?
Peter: Thanks to you, our son has a huge wang!
Lois: What do you mean?
Peter: Well, he certainly didn't get it from me?
Lois: Peter, what are you talking about?
Peter: I'll show you.
[Peter and Lois go to Chris' room while he is sleeping and Peter pulls back the covers]
Lois: Wow. No wonder he's always slouching