[says grace before the meal] Dear Lord, please give me the cheat codes from "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out". I have been stuck on Bald Bull for four years. I tried Left-Left-Up-B-dodge-uppercut, but it still knocks me out. And, you know, they say you're supposed to go Right-B-Up-dodge-Left-uppercu... [laughs] Listen to me, telling you how to play a game.

Peter

Stewie: Just hang on! All right?! There's a lot of us! There's a lot-- It's a big order!
Stewart: What time do they stop serving breakfast?
Stewie: It's 3:00!
Stewart: Some of them serve breakfast all day.
Stewie: None of 'em serve breakfast all day!
Dorn: Do they have beer?

Drive-Thru Teller: Yes, welcome to McDonald's. Can I help you?
Stewie: Oh, hailing frequencies open, huh? [chuckles] Uh, yeah. We're gonna get 2 McChicken Sandwiches and a Diet Coke and... What do you want, Michael?
Dorn: A McDLT.
Stewie: No. I already told you, they don't make those anymore.
Dorn: You know, sometimes it's a regional thing. You could ask.
Stewie: No McDonald's anywhere makes a McDLT anymore!
Frakes: I'd love a Shamrock Shake if they got any of those.
Stewie: It's September, Jonathan!
Burton: [w/visor on] Stewie, can I take this ****ing headband off?
Stewie: No, LeVar. You're blind. That's the only way you can see.

Sirtis: Stewie, I'm not really much of a fast food eater.
Stewie: Yeah? Can you read my mind? Can you tell what I'm thinking right now? I'm thinkin' "shut up and get a salad".
Spiner: I want some McNuggets.
Stewie: We'll get to you, Brent!

Brian: Oh, my God. Fred Savage is the greatest actor in the world!
Savage: That's all I ever wanted to be known for.
Lois: Is it okay if we run this story instead?
Savage: Sure thing!
Daniel Stern: [as the voice-over from "The Wonder Years"] It was just then that I knew that things were finally going my...
Savage: [angrily] I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE!!!

Lois, please, take the job for Fox's sake.

Anchorman

West: We don't want you in our town, Simpson! We don't love you like we did in 1993!
[cut to Homer Simpson from The Simpsons]
Homer: D'oh!
West: And as for you, O.J., we don't want you here either!

O.J. Simpson: Hi. Are you Peter Griffin?
Peter: That's my name, don't put a knife in it.

Peter: [in Rogen's voice] Hey, doc, are we gonna be much longer? I gotta get some beers with the fellas before I go out on this date.
Doctor: [laughs] How charming and chubby! I'm rooting for you!

Peter: Okay, what's next?
Doctor: This is the Seth Rogen gene. It will give you the appearance of being funny, even though you haven't actually done anything funny.

Lois: Peter, where have you been? You left for the market six hours ago! Did you get the beans?
Peter: Lois, I've got something better! You know how you've always wanted a real diamond engagement ring?
Lois: [gasps, touched] Oh my God!
Peter: That's right, I've bought a horse!

Brian: Oh, there's my laptop. Do you mind? I want to check my e-mail.
Stewie: Go away! I'm editing this music video I'm making for Susie.
Brian: [voice rising in pitch] Oh, really. Music video? Working on a little video there? Little, uh... little music video? Little compilation of visual images to go with the song? Little four minute movie that tells the story of a...
Stewie: Yeah, that only works when I do it.

Family Guy Season 7 Quotes

[disappointedly] You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes ya feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah. You're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changin'. I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Peter

[when he has an orgasm with Carolyn] Wait. Wait! Wait!! OHHHH!!! And boom goes the dynamite.

Cleveland