Monica: You know, I gotta admit that I was kinda surprised that you agreed to go on a blind date.
Jean-Claude Van Damme: Normally I would not do it.
Monica: Well, what made you make the exception for me?
Jean-Claude Van Damme: 'Cause Rachel told me you were dying to have a threesome with me and Drew Barrymore. Oh, by the way, Drew has some ground rules.

Susie: All right mister, let's see those panties.
Chandler: All right. (Chandler's pants drop from under the bathroom stall door)
Susie: Ooh. Ooh. But you know what would be even sexier?
Chandler: What?
Susie: If you didn't have your shirt tucked into them.

Susie: (About wearing her panties) How you doing there squirmy?
Chandler: I'm hanging in... and a little out.

Ross: Hey Joey, I have to cancel racquetball for tonight. That was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.
Joey: You're blowing me off for a monkey?
Ross: Hey, we can reschedule for Saturday.
Joey: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.

Chandler: No, Stephen Hurs was the kid who would eat anything for money, David Stein was the guy who had no elbows.
Susie: Okay, well then who was the kid that got caught masturbating?
Chandler: (Defending himself) Okay, that's not what he was doing. Alright, he was looking for his bus money.

Susie: Excuse me.
Chandler: Ah.
Susie: Uh, is your name Chandler?
Chandler: Uh, yes, yes it is.
Susie: Chandler Bing?
Chandler: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?

Susie: I'm Susie Moss. Fourth grade, glasses, I used to carry around a box of animal crackers like a purse.
Chandler: Susie Moss, right, yeah, wow, you look... great job growing up.

Susie: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
Chandler: Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it?

Chandler: Pheebs, can I have the milk after you?
Phoebe: I'm almost done with it, keep your panties on.

Phoebe: You know, I think I want to write a song about all this.
Rachel: Oh yeah?
Phoebe: Yeah. Except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey Chandler, can I borrow your g-string?

Chandler: All right, one of you guys give me your underwear.
Ross: Oh, no.
Joey: Can't help you there. I'm not wearing any.
Chandler: How can you not be wearing any underwear?
Joey: Oh, I'm taking heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.

Susie: (Getting ready to run off with Chandler's clothes) This is for the fourth grade.
Chandler: Huh? What do you mean?
Susie: What do I mean? What do you mean what do I mean? I mean, underpants, mister! That's what I mean!
Chandler: What?
Susie: My skirt! You lifted! Kids laughing! I was "Susie Underpants" till I was 18!
Chandler: That was 20 years ago! How can you still be upset about that?
Susie: Well, I'll tell you what. Why don't you call me in 20 years and let me know if you're still upset about this?

Friends Season 2 Episode 13 Quotes

You know what? If we were in prison, you guys would be like, my bitches.


Chandler: Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Phoebe: Stick a fork what?
Chandler: You know, like when you're cooking a steak.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't eat meat.
Chandler: Well how do you tell when vegetables are done?
Phoebe: Well you just, you know, you eat them and you can tell.
Chandler: Okay, then eat me, I'm done.