Phoebe: It's not mine! If I kept it, it would be like stealing!
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!

Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?


Phoebe: There's five hundred extra dollars in my account.
Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again...

Ross: A thumb?
Phoebe: I know. I know. I opened it up, and there is was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker.
Chandler: Maybe it's a contest, you know, like, "collect all five."

Monica: Do you guys ever think Alan might be a little too Alan.
Rachel: No, you can never be too Alan.
Ross: It's his innate Alan-ness that we adore.
Chandler: I could personally stand about a gallon of Alan.

If I bought boots, whenever I walked I would hear, "Not mine, not mine, not mine." And when I was skipping, I would hear, "not-not mine, not-not mine, not-not mine."


Joey: Don't you have any respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realize what you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: I've had it with you guys and your cancer, your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.

Joey: (Monica drags in Joey) What's going on?
Monica: Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together.
Joey: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear.

Monica: I'll meet someone else. There'll be other Alans.
All: Oh, yeah! Right!
Monica: Are you guys going to be okay?
Ross: Hey, we'll be fine. We're just going to need a little time.

Paula: Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy Monica, dump him.
Monica: I know. It's going to be really hard.
Paula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.
Monica: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about.

Ross: What is this?!
Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years.
Chandler: (Showing the cigarette) And this is my reward.
Ross: Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.
Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit.

Monica: Guys, we have to talk.
Phoebe: Wait. I'm getting a deja vu... No, I'm not.
Monica: All right, we have to talk.
Phoebe: There it is!

Friends Season 1 Episode 3 Quotes

Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said "We should do this again!"
All: Oh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said "We should do it again," that's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated "We should do this again" means "You will never see me naked."
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Ya know, like, "It's not you" means "It is you."
Chandler: Or "You're such a nice guy" means "I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."
Phoebe: Or, or, ya know, um, "I think we should see other people" means "Ha, ha, I already am."

All: (About Chandler smoking) Hey, come on, put it out.
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb.
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair.
Monica: Why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle cracking isn't annoying? And Ross with his over pronouncing every single word, and Monica with that snort when she laughs... I mean what the hell is that thing? I accept all those flaws why can't you accept me for this?
Joey: Does the knuckle cracking bother everybody or just him?
Rachel: Well, I would live without it.
Joey: Is it like, a little annoying or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
(Phoebe takes her hair out of her mouth.)
Ross: Don't listen to them Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh you do, do you?
(Monica snorts loudly.)
Ross: There's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: Indeed there isn't. (Ross looks at Rachel) I should really be getting back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Oh, the hair comes out and the gloves come off.
(They all start shouting at each other, while Chandler walks away smoking happily.)