Joey: Are you just getting home? It's late.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. I had the best day, though. I got to sit in on a meeting with the reps from Calvin Klein, I told my boss I liked this new line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it . . . how was your day?
Joey: I discovered I'm able to count all of my teeth using just my tongue.

Joey: Amy just burned Jo's manuscript. I don't see how he could ever forgive her!
Ross: Uh, Jo's a girl, it's short for Josephine.
Joey: But Jo's got a crush on Laurie. Oh, you mean it's like a a girl-girl thing? Cause that's the one thing missing from The Shining!
Chandler: No actually Laurie's a boy.
Joey: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times!

Joey: All blank and no blank makes blank a blank blank. Oh, and the end, when Jack almost kills them all with that blank but in the last second they get away!
Rachel: Joey! I can't believe you just did that!
Chandler: I can't believe she cracked your code.

Chandler: (Coming off the phone) Okay! We have our stripper, a Miss Crystal Chandelier!
Joey: Well sure, if you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?

Phoebe: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich. Why don't you guys get a magician?
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his butt cheeks, then all right.

(To Ross about Rachel) You could send her a musical bug, no... wait you've already done that.


Joey: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, "Oh, man!" And he'll be all, "Yes!" And us, we'll be like "Oh, dude!" And pretty soon you'll be like, "Hi," and, "Well, I can't go. Rachel and Mark might be there." And we'll be like, "Man, get over it, it's been four years!"
Chandler: He paints quite a picture, doesn't he?

(To Ross) It was like you were marking your territory. You might as well have come in and peed all around my desk.


Mr. Pretentious, you think there's no one finer!
Well your poems are unpublished and you work in a diner!
You're no God's gift to women - That's all in your head!
You are just a buttmunch!
(One singer singing)
No one likes a buttmunch!
(All singing)
And you're also bad in bed!

Barbershop Quartet

Rachel: (To Ross) You have a play date with a stripper?!
Chandler: Man, I gotta get a kid.

(To Julio) Your a poet and don't know it.


Ross: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him! And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, he's really good looking. What am I gonna do?
Chandler: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! Don't cry out loud.

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Rachel: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
Monica: (To Julie) It's an expression.