Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.

Phoebe

Ross: Well, I think it's perfect. You know. It's just gonna be the two of us. She spent all day taking care of my monkey.
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.

Rachel: It would be different if I had somebody.
Ross: Really? What happened to, "forget relationships, I'm done with men"? The whole penis embargo?

Ross: I've gotta go. Come on, Marcel! Come on! We're gonna go and take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.
Chandler: They're still just friends, right?

Ross: All right, I want my monkey.
Luisa: No!
Rachel: Oh, come on, Luisa!
Luisa: Sorry, prom queen.
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't have been fat.

Monica: Pheebs? You know how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first?
Phoebe: Yes, but there's not always time.

Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room!
Rachel: Luisa? Oh, my God! Monica! It's Luisa!
Monica: The Luisa from home room!
Rachel: Yes!
Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you?
Monica: No, none at all.

Monica: He pooped in my shoe? Which one?
Rachel: I don't know. The left one.
Monica: Which ones?
Rachel: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.
Phoebe: (Entering the apartment) Hey.
All: Hi.
Phoebe: Whoa, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?
Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel.
Phoebe: Oh no, how?
Monica: He, he pooped in my shoe.
Phoebe: Which one?
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...

Louisa: Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is punishable by up to four years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Phoebe: Oh my God! You'd put that poor little creature in jail?

Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.

Chandler

Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for inspiration. Oh, my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Monica: Barry who you almost--?
Rachel: Barry who I almost.
Monica: And Mindy, your maid of--?
Rachel: Mindy, my maid of. Oh!

Monica: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.
Rachel: Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee!
Monica: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any?

Friends Season 1 Quotes

Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?

Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?