Chandler: I'm going to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Monica: Why not take it with you?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, and she needs to hear me pee?
Monica: Why don't you just call her?
Chandler: I can't call her. I left a message. I have some pride.
Monica: Do you?
Chandler: No!

Monica: (Looking out the window) Look look! He's doing it again, the guy with the telescope!
Phoebe: Oh, my God! Go away! (Waving her arms) Stop looking in here!
Monica: Great, now he's waving back.
Joey: Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. It creeps me out! I feel like I can't do stuff!
Monica: What kinda stuff...?
Joey: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, like, when I'm cooking naked.
Phoebe: You cook naked?
Joey: Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters.

I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...


(To Rachel) You're like my best friend in the world, except for maybe Lori Schafer, who I don't talk to anymore because she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face.


Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf-blower picked up...

Phoebe: If you want, you can call her machine and if she has a lot of beeps that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.
Chandler: You don't think that makes me seem a little...?
Ross: Desperate? Needy? Pathetic?
Chandler: You obviously saw my personal ad.

Monica: Brrrrrrrrring!
Chandler: (Answering the phone desperately) Hello?! Hello?! (Realizes it was Monica)... Hell is filled with people like you.

Monica: (Looking out the window) Oh, my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
Ross: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us!
Rachel: Oh, that is so sick.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Phoebe: How can people do that?
Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots!

Chandler: (On the phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine. Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye bye. (Hangs up) Oh God!
Monica : That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing!
Ross: What was with the dishes?
Chandler: Oh, uh, I want her to think I might be in a restaurant, ya know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.

Ross: (Doing a crossword puzzle) Heating device.
Phoebe: Radiator.
Ross: Five letters.
Phoebe: Rditr.

I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people.


Ross: All right, I want my monkey.
Luisa: No!
Rachel: Oh, come on, Luisa!
Luisa: Sorry, prom queen.
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't have been fat.

Friends Season 1 Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Casting Director: Name?
Joey: Holden McGroin.