Chandler: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.
Eddie: That's very interesting, ya know, 'cause that's exactly what someone who slept with her would say.

So, you uh, you think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets?


Chandler: (About Eddie) So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes.
Monica: Why?
Chandler: Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend, and killed his fish.
Phoebe: Why would you kill his fish?
Chandler: Because sometimes, Phoebe, after you sleep with someone... you have to kill a fish.

Tilly: I'm Tilly.
Chandler: Oh.
Tilly: I gather by that oh that he told you about me.
Chandler: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul.

Rachel: So what happens next?
Joey: Well, I get the medical award for separating the Siamese twins, then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half brother "Ramon" and that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big, but it's cursed.
Chandler: God, that is good TV!

Rachel: (Watching Days of Our Lives) She just found out that she was cut out of the will.
Phoebe: Doesn't she know you can't define yourself in terms of money? That it's about values and morals and your ability to give and receive love.
Rachel: No.

Ross: (About the number of guys Rachel has slept with) Tell me about it. So what, what's your magic number?
Rachel: Uh, no.
Ross: Come on, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.
Rachel: Well, there's you.
Ross: Better not be doing these in order.

Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, ya know, meaningless animal sex. Okay, you know, that sounded so much better in my head.


(About the number of guys Monica has slept with) Well it wasn't that many guys. I mean, if you consider how many guys there actually are, it's a very small percentage.


Monica: It's not going happen. They're doing it tonight, we can do it tomorrow.
Richard: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...

Ross: (Knocking on Joey's door) Come on.
Rachel: Joey.
Ross: Open up. We want to talk to you.
Joey: I don't feel like talking.
Rachel: Oh come on Joey, we care about you.
Chandler: We're worried about you.
Monica: And some of us really have to pee.

Rachel: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
Ross: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea: why don't you invite Paolo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.

Friends Season 2 Quotes

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!

Rachel: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
Monica: (To Julie) It's an expression.