That is one crazy, uncircumcised man.

Bender

Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those!

Bender

Welcome to MomCorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for?

Mom

Bender: How does a robot join this monk outfit?
AbBot: Just put on this monk outfit.

Bender: I gotta mope things over for a while.
Fry: What's happening?
Leela: I don't know. I think he's shuffling off sadly in the distance.
Fry: Oh lord.

I wish I was a real boy, then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.

Bender

Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Also, good news everyone! We have a delivery to the robot homeworld!

Professor Farnsworth

Bender: Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones and you'll wind up face down in a pool of your own blood and urine.
Zoidberg: Still, to have your own pool!

Bender: It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.
Hermes: Mon, you had one hell of a day.

Hedonism Bot: Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?
Bender: Uh, what do I have to do?
Hedonism Bot: Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me oh so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

Bender: What is that, drugs?
Paco: Nah, but it's a lot like drugs.

Robot: Ooh, I like your nerd classes. Are you a college student?
Bender: A college student? Hahahaha!
Robot: Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight.
Bender: Yes, I'd like to enroll in college.
Robot: You're still talking to me.
Bender: Oops.

Futurama Quotes

Dear Captain's Diary; I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel. And that's just as good.

Leela

Amy: Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?
Professor: I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use... math!