Gilmore Girls Season 2 Episode 3: "Red Light on the Wedding Night" Quotes
Lorelai: Max, they're teenagers. They can kiss a little bit.
Max: Okay, well, what do I do if Rory comes home drunk?
Lorelai: Come on!
Max: It happens.
Lorelai: Not to Rory it doesn't.
Max: I know. But theoretically, just in a make believe world, if she did, what would I do?
Lorelai: Nothing.
Max: Excuse me?
Lorelai: No, you would do nothing. I would handle it.
Max: So basically, I have no role in Rory's life.
Lorelai: Max, Rory's done. She's brought up, she's Rory. You don't need a role.
Max: Fine.
Lorelai: I don't see the problem here.
Max: Clearly. So, I should do nothing around here ever.
Lorelai: No, not nothing ever.
Max: What then?
Lorelai: Well, making the garlic bread the other night was really good.
Rory: Oh, I printed up some sample invitations for you. I made them on my computer.
Lorelai: Awww.
Rory: All you have to do is pick out a quote for the front page, and I'll print them up.
Lorelai: Okay. Um "What is love? It is the morning and the evening star." Ugh.
Rory: Sinclair Lewis.
Lorelai: Sinclair Sappy Lewis.
Rory: Fine, next.
Lorelai: "And all went merry as a marriage bell. But hush! Hark! A deep sound strikes like a rising knell!" What is it with poetry?
Rory: Lord Byron.
Lorelai: Byron and Lewis, together again.
Rory: Okay, last one.
Lorelai: "We have buried the putrid corpse of liberty." Perfect!
Rory: Mussolini it is.
Lorelai: (seeing her mother at table at the night club) What in Lucifer's reach is my mother doing here?
Michel: Oh, I invited her.
Lorelai: You what?
Michel: Just a little surprise for you. I thought it would be a kick.
(Lorelai walks up to Emily)
Lorelai: (to Emily) Excuse me sir. You look just like my mother.
(to Rory) Honey, someday when you're a little older you will be introduced to something that is extremely seductive but fickle. A fair-weather friend who seems benign but packs a wallop like a donkey kick, and that is the Long Island iced tea. The Long Island iced tea makes you do things that you normally wouldn't do, like lifting your skirt in public or calling someone you normally wouldn't call at really weird times.
Lorelai
Dean: Go with their bits.
Max: Their bits?
Dean: Yeah. Like, if you're eating pizza with them, and Lorelai decides that the pepperoni is angry at the mushrooms because the mushrooms have an attitude, and then she holds up a pepperoni and the pepperoni asks for your opinion, don't just laugh. Answer the pepperoni.
Lorelai: No one has ever made me a huppah.
Luke: You only get married once...theoretically.
Lorelai: Yeah...you only get married once.
(about calling Christopher)
Rory: Why did you call him?
Lorelai: Just to check in.
Rory: At your bachelorette party?
Lorelai: Seemed as good a time as any.
Lorelai: Did Michel leave?
Sookie: No. He said he had to 'shake his thing.'
Christopher: You're at your bachelorette party.
Lorelai: Right...right.
Christopher: So why are you calling me?
If eating cake is wrong, I don't want to be right.
Lorelai
Rory: Okay, our house is burning down, and you can save the cake or me. What do you choose?
Lorelai: Well that's not fair. The cake doesn't have legs.
(Max opens a drawer in the oven)
Lorelai: Wow, did you know we had that?
Rory: Not a clue.
