Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 2: "The Lorelais' First Day at Chilton" Quotes
Rory: I don't know. It was just one big, long, scary, tweedy, bad eight hours.
Lorelai: Add some hair spray, and you've got my day.
Luke: There's no coffee.
Lorelai: That's not funny.
Luke: I can give you herbal tea.
Lorelai: This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
Luke: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
Lorelai: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV.
Luke: I can give you tea and a Balance bar.
Lorelai: Please, please, please, tell me you're kidding!
Luke: I'm kidding.
Lorelai: You're sick.
Luke: Yup.
Lorelai: You're a sadist, you're a fiend! (Luke brings her coffee) You're pretty.
Now walk smooth, that's a new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop Harry will die and there won't be anymore books.
</i> Miss Patty
Rory: (at Lorelai's outfit) I didn't know the rodeo was in town.
Lorelai: Ok, that's it. I'm bringing the baby pictures.
Rory: No! I'm sorry. I love the rodeo, the rodeo rules!
Lorelai: Are you nervous?
Rory: About what?
Lorelai: Starting Chilton.
Rory: Well, I wasn't until I heard about all those bad girls.
Rory: (at Lorelai running off to listen to a song with Lane) But you only finished half my toes!
Lorelai: Who cares? You're going to be wearing shoes anyway!
Babette: Is there a problem?
Lorelai: Oh, nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play.
Luke: What are you doing here?
Lorelai: See, now, that's why you were voted Mr. Personality of the New Millennium. Where's your crown?
Luke: I just mean you don't usually come in at this time.
Lorelai: Well, I have to pick up Rory from school. (Luke pours her some coffee) Thank you.
Luke: You're welcome.
Lorelai: No lectures?
Luke: My blood sugar's low. I'll eat an apple and get back to you.
Lorelai: Hm. God, this has been one hectic, bizarro day for me.
Luke: Yeah?
Lorelai: Yeah. This morning with the being late, and my mother with her existing. Oh, and this father, this father from Chilton, he, uh, drove out to the inn all the way from Hartford just to ask me out.
Luke: Really? You going?
Lorelai: No. He's got a kid in school with Rory, and the whole thing just seemed a little weird.
Luke: Oh, good.
Lorelai: Good?
Luke: Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down.
Lorelai: Okay.
Luke: I mean, he's probably old, right?
Lorelai: Old?
Luke: Yeah. I mean, he's got a kid in high school.
Lorelai: Well, so do I.
Luke: Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people aren't that young. Most people are, uh. . .
Lorelai: Old.
Luke: Yeah.
Lorelai: Like this guy who asked me out.
Luke: But you're not going.
Lorelai: No, I'm not going.
(Luke nods and looks down. Lorelai smiles to herself)
(to Rory) You'll never beat me. This school is my domain and the Franklin is my domain. And don't you ever forget that.
Paris
(to Headmaster Charleston) Rory is not gonna to be a problem. She's totally low maintenance, you know, like a Honda. You know, they're just easy, just...nice office.
Rory: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
Rory: Why? What does it mean?
Lorelai: Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory: You're kidding.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Well, what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai: Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
Rory: Wow, biblical insults. This is an advanced school.
Paris: (looking through Rory's file) Lorelai Gilmore.
Louise: Nice stripper name.
Paris: Formerly of Stars Hollow High School.
Louise: Where's that?
Paris: Drive west, make a left at the haystacks and follow the cows.
Louise: Ooh, a dixie chick.
