(Lane goes into Sophie's Music and is unseen going to the back of the store.)
Kirk: (hands resume to Sophie) That's my home phone number, my cell number, my pager number, and there's a partial list of references.
Sophie: Yeah, okay, I'll hang onto this, but as I said before we just opened so I'm not really looking to hire anybody right now.
Kirk: I am licensed to carry a gun if that will help.
Sophie: (sarcastically) You have no idea how much.
(Lane is looking at some instruments and is just about to touch a guitar.)
Sophie: May I help you?
Lane: Oh no thank you I was just looking.
Sophie: We like the looking. It's the touching we're a little iffy on.
Lane: Actually I was just going to (bumps into a cello)-ooh! That probably would have been considered as touching, wouldn't it?
Sophie: (sighing) Yes.
Lane: (sees a red drum set) Oh my...
Sophie: That's a DW drum set with Zildjian cymbals.
Lane: It's beautiful.
Sophie: You play?
Lane: Oh no, I wish.
Sophie: Sit.
Lane: What?
Sophie: Sit down, see how it feels.
Lane: Oh no, I couldn't.
Sophie: Why? Your legs don't bend?
Lane: No they bend.
Sophie: Okay, if they bend, then bend them.
Lane: Well, okay. (sits down on stool) This is a good stool.
Sophie: Yes, it is. Here. (hands Lane a set of drum sticks) You can't sit down at a drum set without your sticks.
Lane: Right, 'cause that would be stupid.
Sophie: And remember, no touching.
Lane: Right. (pretends to hit the drums without making noise)
Sophie: You look good.
Lane: Thanks.
Sophie: (laughs and leaves)

Lorelai: Look, I'm giving these paper-topped turkeyheads 3 seconds to seat us, or I swear I'm gonna start...
Waitress: Two?
Lorelai: Yes, please!
Rory: You're gonna what?
Lorelai: What?
Rory: You said you were gonna do something if somebody didn't seat us in 3 seconds
Lorelai: I did?
Rory: Yes, you did. And then the waitress came and you never finished saying what you were gonna do.
Lorelai: Honey, we've gotta get some food into you, you're imagining things!
Rory: What were you gonna do?
Lorelai: Shh, you're getting screwy!
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Mom? I'm not your mom, do you need help little girl?
Rory: Oh my God!

Luke: I asked you if anyone was hurt.
Lorelai: Was anyone hurt? Well, let's see, Rory is in the hospital right now with a fractured wrist, so yeah, I'd say someone was hurt!

Jess: Okay, well, I'll be right over there when you are. I just can't wait for that learning to begin. Hey, are we gonna do some of those Schoolhouse Rocks songs?
Rory: I'll be right there, Jess.
Jess: 'Cause they say if you just make learning fun. . .
Lorelai: Give us a minute, okay?
Jess: Well, hurry a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Luke: Uh, I made some brownies, I thought you might like some.
Lorelai: Oh, gee, since I just ate half a bag of marshmallows, six Pop Tarts, four bagel dogs and a really stale Cheese Nip yup, it's brownie time, thanks. Hey, here's a question for you.
Luke: Yeah?
Lorelai: Well, you probably have a diner full of people who would love these brownies plus, I bet they'd pay you for 'em.
Luke: Well, I accidentally dropped triple the amount of cocoa powder in the batter so I either had to dump the batch or find someone with some sort of superhuman chocolate tolerance only one name came to mind.
Lorelai: God, I love being special.

Luke: Was Jess hurt?
Lorelai: No, Luke. Jess did the hurting. That little punk nephew of yours almost killed my kid tonight!

(During a test. Jess asked Lane for a pen and she said that there was one in her backpack)
Jess: My mother told me never go through a lady's bag. . .at least, not until you're a couple blocks away. I'm just kidding, she never said that. Though it sounds like pretty good advice, doesn't it?
Lane: Take it and shut up. (She hands him a pen)
Jess: Well, I tell you, it's true small towns sure are friendly.

Luke: Look, I'm sure it was an accident. Accidents happen.
Lorelai: Not when my kid's in the car, they don't!

Mr. Merten: Every baseball on campus seems to have disappeared.
Luke: Oh, come on, you don't think Jess seriously... I'll check when I get home.

Jess: (about Rory) I made sure she was okay.
Luke: I know you did.

Lorelai: So, how are you feeling?
Rory: Haunted by the sight of Kirk's bare chest.

Christopher: This town is like one big outpatient mental institution.
Lorelai: Glad you could join us.

Gilmore Girls Season 2 Quotes

Paris: (on asking Rory to run for Vice President) Because people think you're nice. You're quiet, you say excuse me, you look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning. People don't fear you.
Rory: Hey, I haven't been dressed by a bird since I was two.

(about Max knowing his way around the kitchen)
Rory: He has much knowledge.
Lorelai: We shall form a cult around him.
Rory: Build a statue many stories high.
Lorelai: We shall grow our hair long and stop bathing.