I got it! I got the part in "White Men Can't Jump" the fucking musical spectacular, you feckless whores! Hannah, I will see you at home tomorrow roughly around noon when I'm done partying this out. Eat a dick!

Elijah

With the help of Byron, who has completed all 12 steps of Al-Anon, I have come to realize how exhausting and narcissistic and ultimately boring this whole dynamic is. And I finally feel brave enough to create some distance for myself. If you guys happened to notice all of those really pretty girls out there who have, like, jobs and purses and nice personalities, those are now my friends. Not you guys. I think we should all just agree to call it.

Shoshanna

We can't hang out together anymore because we cannot be in the same room without one of us making it completely and entirely about ourselves. In this instance, in particular, it happens to be Hannah, who has decided to crash my engagement party by showing up dressed like a member of the "Teen Mom" cast.

Shoshanna

Hannah: You had a party and you didn't invite me? I mean, this place is, like, at capacity.
Shoshanna: Yeah, I did. Which would be strange, except you're having a baby, and you neglected to tell me after you literally told everyone else on the face of the earth. So, I guess that just kind of says who we are to each other.

This is the type of fun that we have. I steal yogurts and then we laugh about it. What the fuck are you doing?

Elijah

And if you think I'm gonna move up there and marry you and be your Tad, you are sorely mistaken, ma'am. Probably.

Elijah

I just don't understand why you would want to leave New York, okay? That's like something your family makes you do when you're too deep into crack to stop them. It's not something that a young, vibrant, albeit pregnant, person does.

Elijah

And I'd like to remind the three of you not to sleep on this friendship. Because I know it feels like it's just gonna be love and lust pushing you forward, but lust fades and friendship never does. If you nurture it.

Hannah

Ray: My favorite show growing up was this obscure Russian cartoon about a tiny cup of borscht that had no father. The catchphrase was "Papa would be so hungry." Shaped me as a child.
Shoshanna: That explains so much.

Adam: I want to raise your child with you. I miss you and I miss being with you. And I thought I could move on, but hearing about the baby made me realize we don't have any more time to waste. Let me show you who I've become. I want to be there for you as you become a mother. I want to watch you blossom and love this baby more than anyone has ever loved a living thing. I don't want to be away from you any longer.
Hannah: I'm so confused.

Well, honey, of course you don’t feel good. It’s 127 degrees in here and we are poor, you've got a parasite growing inside you, and we’re probably both going to die of heatstroke at any minute. Oh god, we're going to die like those old people in Queens on NY1! I'm too pretty to go to a cooling station.

Elijah

Jessa: You've gotta do what you've gotta do. I'm not a zookeeper.
Adam: Come the fuck on, there's something else in there. Will you just say it? Spit in my face. Punch me. What? Just do it.
Jessa: Why would I do that? You haven't done anything wrong.

Girls Quotes

I got it! I got the part in "White Men Can't Jump" the fucking musical spectacular, you feckless whores! Hannah, I will see you at home tomorrow roughly around noon when I'm done partying this out. Eat a dick!

Elijah

Okay, I need this to stop. Because A) it's fucking revolving, and B) every time you say "nipple," a fairy dies.

Hannah [to Marnie]