So much blonde.

Penny

I didn't really date. I would call it a series of mind blowing sexual experiences with a lot of beautiful women.

Dave

Lamenation Jane? Why don't you just cover it in glitter you cheap whore.

Jane

My secret is so big that just the tip well be enough.

Penny

Penny: Hello Gay Sir.
Max: Hello Countess von Boobs.

Oh my God, I'm the Jackie Robinson of the Kerkovich family!

Brad

Happy Endings Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."

Penny