Popular House Quotes
House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.
Pregnant Girl/Jill: Thank you so much. I gotta get you a gift or something.
House: Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again.
Pregnant Girl/Jill: Okay, all right!
House: We are condemned to useless labor...
Dr. Wilson: Fourth circle of hell. Charting goes a lot faster when you eliminate all classic poetry.
House: Writing down what we already know to be read by nobody. Pretty sure Dante would agree that qualifies as useless.
Dr. Wilson: You're over two weeks behind in your charting...
(Dr. Cuddy approaches them, and House throws a piece of paper towards her)
House: Oops... I missed!
Dr. Chase: (to House) My mother has been dead for 10 years.
House: But she always with you in spirit
House: She has God inside her. It would be easier to deal with a tumor.
Dr. Wilson: Maybe she's allergic to God.
(to Sister Augustine) You must be all the talk around the holy water cooler.
House: (to Sister Augustine) You must be all the talk around the holy water cooler. House: Writing down what we already know to be read by nobody. Pretty sure Dante would agree that qualifies as useless.
House: Ooh, girl in the boys' bathroom. Very dramatic. Must be very important what you have to say to me.
Dr. Cuddy: Yesterday your patient's tumor was 5.8 centimeters. Today it's 4.6. How did that happen?
House: At a guess, I'd say "Dr. House must be really really good, why am I wasting him on hiccups?"
Dr. Cuddy: You also requisitioned 20cc of ethanol, what patient was that for? Or are you planning a party?
Normally I'd put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the sun one more time. I really didn't think it was going to make it this year, but darn it if it wasn't the little planet that could all over again.
Look, I have a cane and I know how to use it.
House: Love the outfit. It says "I'm a professional, but I'm still a woman." Actually, it sort of yells the second part.
Dr. Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.
(about House) The son of a bitch is the best doctor we have.
Dr. Cuddy
