I'm Jed Mosly and I am the most powerful, corrupt architect!! [falls out of chair]


The best baggage is "hates her dad, thinks she's fat when she isn't." Angry sexy on the first date, and by the time you mention breakfast, she's gone! Why do you guys even hang out with me?


Barney: Ted, please tell me you're not impugning emotional baggage.
Ted: Baggage is good?
Barney: Emotional baggage is the bedrock of America's most important cultural export.
Robin: Porn?
Barney: Actually, it's porn.

Marshall: Please, I don't have any baggage.
Lily: Mommy issues.
Marshall: No.
Lily: Grandmother issues.
Marshall: Nah.
Lily: Great-grandmother issues.
Marshall: I just don't like when she picks me up!

You are so sweet sweet, sweet [Marshall leaves, turns to Robin] Sweet mother of God he's annoying sometimes.


Ted: Things are going great, but ...
Robin: Ah ...
Ted: That's the issue.
Barney: Her butt?
Ted: No. Everyone has baggage. Things go great until the point where you realize everything's ruined.
Barney: When she turns 30.

Ted, please. It's not that big a deal. I've been left at the altar before too. Three times in fact.


Barney: Kiss him! Kiss him!
Older Ted: Uncle Barney didn't say "kiss."
Theater employee: Sir, you need to leave. Now.
Barney: This is outrageous. Who the kiss are you?!

Marshall: Wait, you actually used Jed Mosly's catchphrase?
Ted: Oh yeah ... How do you know that's his catchphrase?
Marshall: [pauses] Hey, I wanted to see Avatar.

Zha Zha Gabor still looks good.


I'm gonna die alone. Ted's gonna be eaten by cats!


One word. Made up. Douchepocalypse!


How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

So, funny thing about Willem Dafoe. His name sounds like it's being spoken by a frog, then a parrot. Willem. DA-FOE! Willem. DA-FOE!