Clint: Your mother is a very erotic woman.
Ted: Please don't.

[repeated line] The only question ... was I drunk, or a kid?


[repeated line] Robin cried at Clint's song!


[to Robin] I'm sorry, they're all out of pretzels. I know how emotional they make you. It's okay. Let it go.


Ted: The auction was yesterday, my bid was accepted and I signed the papers this morning!
Barney: Was the Blair Witch easy to deal with or did she haggle over closing costs?

I'm gonna set up the grill out back, it's gonna be a total sausage fest. Party. Burgers. We'll do burgers.


Ted: This is going to be the home I share with my future wife.
Barney: Is she in the room with us now, Ted?

These hips? They're not Eriksen baby compliant.


On the plus side, he probably killed some roaches on impact.


We all have to live with the mistakes we make, but how often do you get to bash the living hell out of them!?


[to Ted] Your mom and I got to second base.


Barney: She's a cougar, Ted!
Robin: I thought you said you can't be a cougar if you're over 50.
Barney: She's a Mellencamp.

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

So, funny thing about Willem Dafoe. His name sounds like it's being spoken by a frog, then a parrot. Willem. DA-FOE! Willem. DA-FOE!