I'm KFC, you don't mess with the Colonel's original recipe!


Ted: Every three years we sit down and Tril it up, agreed?
Marshall: A-greedo.

Barney: It's my apartment and I need to assert my dominance as a man.
Robin: Don't ever, say that to any girl, ever!

Barney: Are you saying evil plan?
Quinn: Hells to the yes!

I was gonna say, and now the gentlemen bump fists. How long you been holding back that one?


I don't think I can do normal anymore.


Fine I'll fill her in and I am so angry I am not even going to make a joke about filling her in, which I did three times last night. Self five!


Don't say that whore's name in front of our baby!


Lily: I was once with a dude who couldn't even fantasize about a three-way. He was all, ooh she's your best friend!
Robin: What now?

Patrice: You seem so down today Robin, I made you cookies.
Robin: Patrice, stop smothering me!

Baby you're like twenty slutty chicks rolled into one.


Quinn: Hey Gorgeous, want a dance?
Barney: Is it a jig? Cause if so, it's up! Sorry I only had the last verse of "Hot For Teacher" to work on that.