I was always the odd man out, you know -- I mean, you know.

Mac

That buzzer sounds awfully loud, huh? Pierces you right down to your soul! I don't like it.

Dennis

I've seen many pigs eat many men -- it was a blood bath.

Frank

Right down the middle is so boring, that's not what the audience wants to see!

Dee

Mac's Dad: Now everyone thinks I'm a rat. They're gonna kill me in here, because of you.
Mac: I'm sorry. I still love you.
Mac's Dad: I don't.

Mac: Tell us more!
Charlie's Mom: Then Luther went in Eduardo's butt for a while.
Mac: Tell us less, tell us less.
Charlie's Mom: Then they both completed on each other -- I was left out of the finale.

Charlie's Mom: I can't lie to my Charlie!
Charlie: Good! Tell me everything!
Charlie's Mom: Okay, they were both here. They were both inside me. Eduardo was in my mouth, and Luther was in my butt.

A man should be able to end his life if he wants -- we're American!

Dennis

Mac: Okay, daddy. I love you dad!
Charlie: Let it go. Let it go.

I've had a few surgical operations to enhance my natural beauty.

Maureen

Come on! You guys own a bar! You guys watch people slowly kill themselves everyday right?

Bill

Yeah, I botched it -- life.

Bill

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.