I'm the queen of the night.


I know you bitch.

Waitress [to Dee]

I don't want to talk to old men who are pretending to be women and ex-wives.


Dennis: A dead tooth.
Maureen: With a diamond in it.
Dennis: Put a diamond in anything that's dead and it's still dead.

It wafted over here. The dead tooth. It stinks.


Do not talk to me for the rest of the night and know that I won't be talking to you because you lower my stock.

Dennis [to Charlie and Mac]

For some reason homophobia is awesome to these guys.


Looks like the Rat got too much cheese.

Adriano [to Mac]

He called you dirt grub and made you eat spiders.

Dee [to Charlie]

Brad Fisher: It's not acne. It's hornet scars.
Dennis: I don't think I have any products that take care of hornet scars.

Dee: Baby got back.
Dennis: Sir Mix-A-Lot was not talking about women whose backs have recovered from horrific spinal disorders.

Black butts are good!


It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 7 Quotes

I'd rather get blasted in the balls by a battering ram than have to have a conversation with the guy.

Dennis [referring to Tim Murphy]

This jacket is awesome. And it's tighter than dick skin.