If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.

Jay

There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.

Luke

Gloria: I'm pregnant.
Claire: You're gonna get so fat!

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

Are you doing sex?

Luke

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Phil

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.

Alex

Hey, the world needs more dreamers Luke. Never stop licking things.

Phil

Luke, I am your father. That's what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom's lady parts.

Phil

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.