If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Phil

Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.

Phil

Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.

Claire

This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.

Jay

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.

Mitchell

Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.

Alex

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Gloria [punches guy]: Nobody calls him grandpa!
Luke: I do.