What middle-aged guy would be interested in a young, attractive, newly legal woman? Oh that's right, all of them!

Claire

I'm kind of in a delicate spot stuck between my wife and the guy next door, but I'm pretty sure I can satisfy them both simultaneously.

Phil

Jay I miss you. Besides I don't know that I can keep Phil safe anymore, I think he's going to die here.

Gloria

Cam: The doctor says absolutely no sun while I'm on these antibiotics.
Mitchell: What would happen? Because if it's anything short of death, I think you should risk it.

Occupado big guy, find another foxhole.

Manny

Ya' know, my parent's never talked to me about anything sexual. They just sent me to the stables when the horses were breeding and wow did that create some unreasonable expectations.

Cam

You know what? You just caused a scene in a restaurant and you can't get anymore like your daddies than that.

Cam [to Lily]

Mitchell: The family has been mocking us relentlessly all year.
Cam: Nicknames like Screeches and Herb, Simon and God-awful, Nickelback.

I can't express to you how badly this kid needs football.

Jay [about Manny]

I'm gonna go over there and be as socially magnetic as I always am, we will put this on the back burner, but underneath know I am fuming.

Cam

Oh so now it's snooping, wanting to know more about your family by looking through their personal things?

Gloria

We were great together, we spoke each other's language, we finished each other's balloon animals.

Cam

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley